Browsing the blog archives for December, 2013
Popular Hispanic bandleader Ricky Ricardo was arrested after his performance at a midtown nightclub and charged with running meth between Central America and the United States. “This is the culmination of a four-year investigation” said outgoing NYPD chief Ray Kelly. He is a ruthless killer responsible for the deaths of his former partner Fred Mertz […]
Santa Claus, founder and CEO of Santa Claus Industries, has announced that he will be filing for chapter 11. With liabilities of over 300,000 million and assets of only $1,245 Santa says that he really has no choice. “The business has changed” said Santa. It used to be I was the only game in town. […]
During his trip to South Africa for Nelson Mandela’s funeral, President Obama posed for a selfie with British PM David Cameron and Dutch PM Helle Thorning-Schmidt. As the first lady sat sullenly, the President laughed with the two world leaders and took pictures of himself while the rest of the world mourned. The pictures have […]
A new element has been discovered that promises to dramatically improve the way of life of the average caveman. “I call it ‘fire’ “ declared the beaming discoverer. Fire will warm us in winter. It will make our food easier to eat preserving our teeth. I don’t have to tell you that cavemen dentist are […]
While problems persist with the Healthcare.Gov web site, the Obama administration has launched a new series of ads promoting the Affordable Care Act that target a core Democratic constituency: women. “We are not Republicans” said DNC Vice Chair Raymond Buckley. We do not have a war against woman. We care about women. Especially their orgasms. […]
Controversial rapper and husband of Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, has again made news, this time with his comments that black people lack access. “It’s true” said West. We don’t got it like that. There are only seven black billionaires. Well, non rapping or sports billionaires that is. And while making billions rapping or playing sports […]
A talking snowman carrying a banjo and umbrella who sounds suspiciously like Burl Ives has been terrorizing local residents. “Yeah, we’re all pretty creeped out” said the local sheriff. He keeps wandering around trying to talk to the school kids. We’d arrest him but he hasn’t technically done anything wrong. And he sounds a lot […]
Martin Bashir has tendered his resignation to MSNBC and will no longer host his self-titled program. “It’s true. I will no longer be working at MSNBC” said Bashir. Upon further reflection, and after meeting with the president of MSNBC, I have tendered my resignation. At least I think it was the president of MSNBC. Whomever […]
On Saturday November 30th Paul Walker, best known for his role in the Fast and Furious franchise, died in a fiery car wreck in Los Angeles. Sparing no expense I decided to fly to LA to investigate the cause of the crash. What follows are my findings. Note: These findings may be false. Not true. […]
With the December 1st deadline now past for the Healthcare.Gov website problems to be fixed I, like most Americans, wonder if the site has indeed been fixed and what the process was. With this in mind I was lucky enough to snag an interview with the HHS Secretary herself, Kathleen Sebelius. MI: Good afternoon Ms. Sebelius. […]