Popular Band Leader Arrested for Drug Smuggling

Drug runner Ricky Ricardo (lower right) and his partner Fred Mertz (lower left and their wives)

Drug runner Ricky Ricardo (lower right) and his partner Fred Mertz (lower left and their wives)

Popular Hispanic bandleader Ricky Ricardo was arrested after his performance at a midtown nightclub and charged with running meth between Central America and the United States.

“This is the culmination of a four-year investigation” said outgoing NYPD chief Ray Kelly.

He is a ruthless killer responsible for the deaths of his former partner Fred Mertz as well as dozens of rivals and low-level drug dealers.  He did this because he enjoys being feared.  He enjoys the lifestyle.  Being a popular Cuban, or Hispanic, bandleader with a residency at a midtown nightclub wasn’t enough for him.

According to government sources, Ricardo first got into the drug trade when he feared that he would be fired at the nightclub.  Financially desperate and lacking health insurance, Ricardo hatched a scheme with his landlord Fred Mertz to cook Meth in the basement of the apartment building Mertz owned.

Within months the duo controlled the distribution of meth throughout the eastern seaboard, ruthlessly disposing of potential rivals.

We don’t know how many the two have killed.  The bodies we’ve found are only the tip of the iceberg.  They killed people by shooting, killed people by stabbing, killed people by hanging.  They executed people and stuffed the bodies in barrels.  These were sick, sick people.

At the height of his meth empire activity, the popular Latino bandleader was estimated to be worth over 60 million dollars.

However there were tensions between the popular Hispanic bandleader and his partner Mertz. Mertz was apparently feeling guilty about his activity and wanted out.  Fearing that Mertz might go to the police Ricardo had him killed.

After Mertz’s death Ricardo’s wife, the former Lucy McGillicuddy, took over for Mertz.

She was even more ruthless than her husband.  We have her on tape many times asking Ricardo if she could “go down to the club.”  We believe that this is code of some sort.  When Lucy was asking to go to the club she was really telling her husband that she had ordered another hit.

Eventually even the popular Cuban American bandleader became frightened by his wife’s coldblooded killing.  It was Ricardo who first approached authorities about cutting a deal.

He’s frightened. Very frightened.  Who can blame him.  We have him in protective custody right now but he’s still afraid to go to sleep.  He thinks Lucy will break into prison and kill him.  You know these Hispanic types.  They are very excitable.

In the meantime an APB has been issued for Lucy Ricardo.

“She’s dangerous.  Civilians are advised to not approach but to let us know if she is sighted” said Kelly.


4 Responses

  1. Ricardo is right to be scared. Lucy always had to be the center of attention. She won’t rest until she knocks Ricky out of the headlines. Besides, a Hispanic and a red head is an explosive combination. The red head almost always comes out on top.

  2. Matt says:

    Doesn’t surprise me a bit. It’s always the ones that act all oblivious that are behind it all.

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