Browsing the blog archives for December, 2011
In an unprecedented move to calm world markets, major central banks including the Federal Reserve, the Bank of Canada, the Bank of England and several other central banks no one cares about launched a joint action to provide cheap U.S. dollars to banks in Europe and other parts of the world no one cares about. […]
When 38-year old David Johnson arrived home from work he was frankly exhausted. “It had been a rough day at work. I was tense. I need to relax” he told reporters. “I was hoping to have a few beers and watch the game.” Instead when he entered his house he was promptly fellated by his […]
As readers of my blog may well know I love teenage girls and am legally barred from within getting 100 yards of a high school recently Alec Baldwin deactivated his Twitter account following his controversy with American Airlines. Being a fair-minded person I hate everybody especially women who won’t let me touch them I asked […]
The recent parliamentary election in Russia has shown a stunning drop in support for Vladimir Putin’s United Russia Party. In contrast to past elections where the United Russia Party gained almost 75% of the vote their support is now down to under 60%. Experts cite as possible reasons for the loss of support Russian dissatisfaction […]
Captain James T. Kirk, acting against the advice of counsel, began his defense today in his much ballyhooed trial. Kirk does not deny any of the allegations of Star Fleet. Instead he paints a picture of a man in the far flung corners of the galaxy operating on a shoe string budget and without a […]
In what can only be described as a disturbing example of a person not knowing their station in life, a working class flight attendant from American Airlines had the temerity to ask, nay, demand that Alec Baldwin turn off his electronic devices. Our hero Mr. Baldwin, clearly rattled by the breach of protocol, retreated to […]
The protest movement known as “Occupy Pearl Harbor” has been a great success. The mostly peaceful protest against income inequality, capitalism, corporate greed and western hegemony, launched by the Japanese Navy, sunk four battleships and damaged three others. Shortly before 7:40 am Hawaiian time 183 planes carrying banners that read “We are the 99%” and […]
Jose Reyes, former shortstop for the New York Mets, injured his hamstring while signing his new 6-year 106 million dollar contract with the Miami Marlins. As the ceremony progressed and cameras flashed, Reyes, surrounded by Team General Manager Michael Hill and President of Baseball Operations Larry Beinfest, doubled over in pain, grabbing his leg. “My […]
Sony Pictures announced today that it has green lighted and is rushing into production a biopic of President Barack Obama that is scheduled to be released by the end of next Summer. The movie, tentatively entitled “The Greatest Socialist Story Ever Told” will show Obama’s rise to the Presidency and the opposition he meets from […]
Prosecution for Star Fleet rested today in the trial for dereliction of duty of Captain James T. Kirk. In its closing statement the lead prosecutor for Star Fleet called Kirk “unfit for duty on all counts” and presented a picture of a man obsessed with sex whose entire career was one bad decision after […]