The protest movement known as “Occupy Pearl Harbor” has been a great success.  The mostly peaceful protest against income inequality, capitalism, corporate greed and western hegemony, launched by the Japanese Navy, sunk four battleships and damaged three others.

Shortly before 7:40 am Hawaiian time 183 planes carrying banners that read “We are the 99%”  and specially modified aeriel torpedoes that allowed them to operate in shallow water appeared over battleship row.

As the mostly peaceful bombs dropped, racist and greedy white Americans ran towards “battle” stations, intent on disrupting the protests.

As the battleships sunk, cowardly and greedy American capitalists were seen swimming from the wreckage.

Captain Mitsuo Fuchida, commander of the first wave of the occupation, dropped torpedoes and leaflets on the retreating symbols of corporate greed that said:

I am a 29 year old recent graduate with a political science degree with a killer resume.  I have sent out 127 applications and still no job.

MY DEMANDS:

• Campaign finance reform
• Media accountability
• Higher taxes on the super rich

What’s the point of going to college if there are no jobs? I will never own a  home.  I am only one misfortune away from disaster.   I will never have a good job.  Instead I was forced to take a temp job with the Japanese Navy where I don’t even get health benefits!

I live paycheck to paycheck and still owe the bank for my foreclosed home.

Corporations are not people!  They consume people!  End corporate greed!  Abolish money!

I am the 99%!  Occupy Pearl Harbor!

The territorial governor of Hawaii, Joseph Poindexter told reporters that while he was personally opposed to the Occupy Pearl Harbor movement he was not about to infringe on their peaceful protests or their right to free speech.

“This has been a mostly peaceful protest.  Well, except for the 2,402 killed.”

From Washington President Franklin Roosevelt was quoted as saying that the Occupy movement was a “beautiful thing.  God bless them.  The Japanese have legitimate grievances against corporations and capitalists.”

President Roosevelt plans to address a joint session of congress to ask that taxes be raised on millionaires and billionaires.

Meanwhile the leaders of the Occupy Pearl Harbor movement are hoping to make it a permanent event.

“We are building shelters on peacefully captured U.S. territory.  No more corporate greed!”

(336)