As readers of my blog may well know I love teenage girls and am legally barred from within getting 100 yards of a high school recently Alec Baldwin deactivated his Twitter account following his controversy with American Airlines.

Being a fair-minded person I hate everybody especially women who won’t let me touch them I asked myself were Baldwin’s tweets about American Airlines an anomaly or are they representative of Baldwin?

Even though his account has been deactivated his tweets still exist. Thanks to my contacts and technical skills I like to make shit up especially when I’m naked I now give my readers a sample of Baldwin’s tweets.

Alec Baldwin

@Daniel Baldwin.   Hey Daniel.  You suck.  I’m embarrassed to have you as a brother.  I’ve slept with Kim Basinger.  Who have you slept with?  Get your fat ass back in rehab.  Oh, and tell mom I said  hello.

Alec Baldwin

Took my car to the shop today.  Uptight jackass told me I needed a new transmission.  Me?  Need a new transmission?  I am Alec Baldwin!  I can buy and sell this mechanic.  He didn’t even give me a complimentary donut!  Oh, and hi mom!

Alec Baldwin

Hairless vagina tried to sell me some girl scout cookies  but told me I couldn’t buy the combo back unless I spent $15 dollars.  Who does she think she is? You may be a girl scout and have a hairless vagina but I’ve slept with Kim Basinger.  Do you know who I am?

Alec Baldwin

Aliens landed on my front lawn and anally probe me.  They also asked me to turn off my electronic devices. Don’t they know who I am?

Alec Baldwin

I ask all my followers to boycott aliens who want to probe them.  I’ve been  letting aliens probe me for years.  Very loyal.  But when they ask me to turn off my electronic devices!

Alec Baldwin

I am not insane!

Alec Baldwin

Turns out I am insane.  Tests prove it.  Doctors and their electronic devices.  I bet no one asks doctors to turn them off.

Alec Baldwin

You call this a rubber room?  I’m Alec Baldwin!  I deserve a better rubber room that this!  I’ve slept with Kim Basinger.  Who have the doctors and orderlies slept with?  I am not turning off my electronic devices.

Alec Baldwin

My medication tastes like alien tongue.

And so readers these are just a sampling of do you like older men honey? Alec Baldwin’s tweets.  I think the evidence shows that is not my semen! that Mr. Baldwin’s controversy with American Airlines is pretty representative of his Tweets.

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