Browsing the blog archives for July, 2018
The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms today broke up a straw party in the city of Santa Barbara, arresting 37 people and charging them with possession of plastic with intent to harm mother Gaia. Santa Barbara, which has proudly become the first city in the United States […]
Lamar Odom, former basketball player, former husband of Chloe Kardashian, former unconscious patron of a Las Vegas brothel, recently tweeted to his many fans one fan total strangers that he was okay after a shooting in Queens. One would think Odom would want to avoid strippers after being found […]
Lieutenant Worf, son of Mogh, of the Starship Enterprise has been ordered to undergo several weeks of sensitivity training at Star Fleet Headquarters after a series of complaints against him. “Star Fleet prides itself on being inclusive, tolerant and sensitive” said their Director of Human […]
Today at Manhattan Infidel, the journalistic juggernaut that taught MSNBC and CNN everything they know, I have the pleasure of interviewing President Trump’s former lawyer, Michael Cohen. MI: Good afternoon, Mr. Cohen. MC: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel. MI: Let’s start out by talking about your relationship with President Trump. You are […]
Alexandria Octavio-Cortez, the winner of New York’s 14th congressional district Democratic primary, has vowed to bring the ideals of Democratic socialism to the capitalist planet of Ferenginar. “My victory is the beginning of a movement” said the future of the Democratic party. And that future is socialism, or Democratic socialism. […]
Today at Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure of interviewing a woman of extreme importance in American history: None other than the Shoshone squaw and Lewis and Clark guide Sacagawea. MI: Good afternoon Sacagawea S: Yeah, whatever. MI:Would you like to smoke the pipe of peace with […]
WJM-TV today fired longtime evening news executive producer Lou Grant after an internal investigation revealed a pattern of sexual abuse. “We have severed relations with Lou Grant” began the statement released by the station. After receiving complaints from employees in the news division we determined that there […]
Being President of the United States means I often have to attend public events. Sometimes these public events are fun. Sometimes they aren’t. I recently attended the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo New York. Yeah, Buffalo. It’s kind of like Philadelphia only without the cheesesteaks: Boring. My advisers tell […]
Flipper, a beloved bottlenose dolphin at the Coral Key Park and Preserve has voluntarily entered a rehab facility to treat his addiction to sex with humans. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this” said the Chief Warden Porter Ricks. But lately Flipper had become insatiable. It’s a problem […]
Special counsel Robert Mueller today indicted 12 different brands of Russian dressing and accused them of attempting to sabotage the 2016 presidential election. Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein announced the indictment just days before Trump is to meet with his Russian handlers including Vladimir Putin, […]