Flipper Enters Dolphin Sex Rehab!

Hey baby you come here often?







Flipper, a beloved bottlenose dolphin at the Coral Key Park and Preserve has voluntarily entered a rehab facility to treat his addiction to sex with humans.

“I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this” said the Chief Warden Porter Ricks.

But lately Flipper had become insatiable. It’s a problem with dolphins. They are very sexually aggressive creatures. I mean I would tell him “Flipper, get off the tourist” but he wouldn’t listen and would keep humping away. They kids didn’t understand and kept asking “Is Flipper harming the mommy?”  I’d just tell the kids that some women like it rough. I guess I understand his actions. Hey, he was swimming around naked all day and attractive women in bikinis would get in the water with him. I mean hell I’ve thought about jumping in the water naked and rubbing up against some of the female tourists but I don’t want to lose my job. Still, there comes a point where Flipper’s actions were hurting business. So I had a one on one talk with him, explained that if he wanted to keep his job and all the free food he had to go away to a dolphin sex rehab clinic. And frankly the fact that dolphin sex rehab clinics exist is a little disturbing.

One female tourist’s story is typical of Flipper’s antics.

I was standing by the pool waiting for my turn to go in and touch Flipper. He jumped up out of the water and his dolphin penis was erect. Flipper was using one of his flippers to manually stimulate himself. And he winked at me and dove back under the water. He came up again with a box of chocolates in one flipper and some condoms in the other. And winked at me again. I guess I should have recognized his predatory behavior but I got in the water. That’s when he raped me.

Word of Flipper’s behavior got around and soon a group of female protesters stormed the park chanting “They call him Flipper, Flipper, sexual harasser, No-one you see, is hornier than he, And we know Flipper, lives in a world full of white privilege, touching women under, under the sea!”

“Protests are bad for business” said Warden Ricks.

“Protests, projectile vomit from kids and soiled diapers left in trash cans. These things kill business.”

With business tanking Flipper was given the news that he must enter rehab.

He didn’t take it well. He put out his cigarette and flipped me the bird with his flipper. He also stopped his masturbatory activity. I guess he was feeling self-conscious. The next morning he told me he would go to rehab.

Before leaving for rehabilitation Flipper released the following statement:

I take full responsibility for my actions and I know I have hurt many innocent tourists. I will now be stepping away from my duties for a short period as I enter a rehabilitation clinic. I will be back in eight weeks a new, changed dolphin and I hope a better one.  See you then!

Privately however Flipper appears to be taking a more cynical attitude.

“Sex rehab? Locked in a building with other sex addicts? I’ll be getting more action than a Hollywood producer.”


2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    I for one am not surprised that Flipper’s entitled, rapey, gropey grabby antics were finally brought to an end.

    Good riddance!

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