Lamar Odom self identifies as not shot

Lamar Odom, former basketball player, former husband of Chloe Kardashian, former unconscious patron of a Las Vegas brothel, recently tweeted to his many fans one fan total strangers that he was okay after a shooting in Queens.

One would think Odom would want to avoid strippers after being found unconscious at a Vegas brothel. But what do I know. I’m just a humble blogger. And as a humble blogger it is my job to report the facts speculate and make shit up.

So now, presented for your approval, is the official Lamar Odom Malfeasance Template™. (Malfeasance Template not valid where prohibited by law.)

Lamar Odom was involved in a shooting at a Queens Hooters.

1. So he was conscious?
2. Seriously. He was conscious?
3. Perhaps he was unconscious but self-identifying as conscious?
4. Hooters is a respectable establishment with a fine selection of food. I’m just glad Lamar wasn’t hurt as he was eating ogling the bouncing breasts on the hookers, I mean hookers moonlighting as waitresses I mean waitresses

When the shots rang out Mr. Odom immediately

1. Sprang into action and led people to safety
2. Returned fire
3. Cried “No more” like Heather O’Rourke in Poltergeist
4. Out of force of habit became unconscious while blood and white and pink fluid oozed from his mouth

Odom was with his “Posse” at the time. Why does Lamar Odom travel with a “Posse”?

1. Posse? So that’s what he’s calling his drug suppliers now
2. His “posse” protects him from annoying autograph hounds
3. No seriously.  Being constantly asked for autographs is a cross Lamar Odom does not want to carry
4. I mean come on.  An authentic Lamar Odom autograph can fetch up to $2.47 on the open market. Is it any wonder people are constantly bugging him for his autograph

Besides being involved in a shootout what has Lamar Odom been doing since his basketball career ended?

1. He married a Kardashian
2. He divorced a Kardashian
3. Spending over 100,000 in a weekend at a Vegas brothel before passing out from a drug overdose
4. Giving back to the community. And by giving back to the community I mean giving money to hookers and strippers

Why was there a shooting at the Hooters in Queens?

1. Strippers I mean waitresses sometimes attract a disreputable clientele.
2. A dining patron stripper fan was upset that his Alaskan Snow Crab Legs were not cooked to his liking
3. Not that I know anything about the menu at the fine dining establishment strip club known as Hooters
4. Obviously it was a hit job ordered by entrepreneur prostitute Chloe Kardashian

And there you have it. The Official Lamar Odom Malfeasance Template™.  And once again Manhattan Infidel would like to state for the record that he is not familiar with the menu at the fine dining establishment strip club known as Hooters.

P.S.

Try the Western Barbecue Burger. It’s delicious.

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