Mueller Indicts Russian Dressing!

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13

This is the face of Russian collusion!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Special counsel Robert Mueller today indicted 12 different brands of Russian dressing and accused them of attempting to sabotage the 2016 presidential election.

Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein announced the indictment just days before Trump is to meet with his Russian handlers including Vladimir Putin, himself rumored to have colluded with the Russians, in Moscow.

Rosenstein said the indictment was “a function of the collection of the facts, the evidence and the law.”

A determination was made that it was sufficient to present an indictment at this time. All one has to do is look at the White House menu. They often serve Russian dressing. Russian. Not Thousand Island. Not Ranch. Russian dressing. And only when President Trump is at the White House! When he is travelling or otherwise not present the dressing of choice is Thousand Island. Sometimes Italian. Though this brings up a separate issue as to whether the Thousand Island region of upstate New York and or Italy colluded with Republicans to throw the 2016 presidential election. It’s like President Trump isn’t even trying to hide it anymore.

Rosenstein further stated the evidence the government will bring against Russian dressing.

We know the goal of Russian dressing was to have an impact on the 2016 election. They almost succeeded as it’s a well-known fact that nothing tastes better on a salad than Russian dressing. Most of us in the Department of Justice avoid Russian dressing as a matter of principle.  And I remind you that as Washington insiders we are more intelligent than most Americans.

Rosenstein was then then asked if it was possible that President Trump was under the influence of Russian dressing when he fired FBI director James Comey.

I can’t speak to that. I’m not a medical doctor and we unfortunately do not have President Trump’s medical records to see if there was Russian dressing in his bloodstream. However there is abundant anecdotal evidence of the effects of Russian dressing. These include a love of dictatorships, spots before the eyes and trouble multiplying. It’s similar to rabbititus only those with rabbititus only have spots before there eyes and trouble multiplying but no love of dictators. They are good Democrats.

Rosenstein then announced, per Mueller’s instructions, that agents from the Department of Justice were fanning out through the DC metro area and arresting all bottles of Russian dressing they can find.

Naturally we will start out slow with no knock raids in the early morning hours at the homes of people suspected of harboring Russian dressing. The Constitution gives us the right to do this.

He then closed the press conference by once again reminding Americans of the danger of being under the influence of Russian dressing.

If you suspect you are under the influence of Russian dressing contact us immediately. Just make sure you’re not suffering from rabbititus, like that reporter from CNN in the front row. Look at him. His ears get longer all the time. And he’s getting all fuzzy. Yeah, he’s got it. He’s got rabbititus.

He then let out a piercing scream and left the podium, ending the press conference.

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2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Look, Infidel.

    Trump met with Putin in Helinski in what amounts to the greatest act of TREASON against America since PEARL HARBOR.

    Don’t say Pearl Harbor wasn’t an act of treason because it was.

    That’s why Trump must be impeached for being a disgusting imbecile TRAITOR.

    Sorry. I got carried away.

    Latin Mass forever.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      I”m a big fan of the Latin mass. I’m lucky enough to live in NYC where three parishes offer it every Sunday.

      Of course I don’t know how much longer that will last. Rumor has it Francis will rescind Summorum Pontificum after Benedict dies.

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