Alexandria Octavio-Cortez Vows to Bring Socialism to Ferenginar!

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Socialism today! Socialism tomorrow! Socialism forever!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alexandria Octavio-Cortez, the winner of New York’s 14th congressional district Democratic primary, has vowed to bring the ideals of Democratic socialism to the capitalist planet of Ferenginar.

“My victory is the beginning of a movement” said the future of the Democratic party.

And that future is socialism, or Democratic socialism. Even though I can’t give a definition of Democratic socialism it is the wave of the future. People are demanding socialism. New York demands it. The United States demands it. The world demands it. The entire Alpha quadrant of the Milky Way Galaxy is demanding it. And I am just the person to do it. I watch Star Trek a lot and I noticed that the Ferengi are avowed capitalists. They are always looking for profit. While we all like profit I believe capitalism is the wrong means to achieve it. True profit can only be achieved when everyone profits. And that can only happen with the redistribution of income that comes with socialism. Or Democratic socialism. They might be the same thing.

With fellow socialist (or Democratic socialist because they might be the same thing) Bernie Sanders by her side, Octavio-Cortez unveiled “Redistribute 2020″, a spaceship of her own design that will bring her message of socialism, or Democratic socialism, to the Ferengi.

Yes I know my spaceship looks like a cardboard box.

This is a spaceship

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But looks can be deceiving. Just like socialism, or Democratic socialism because they may be the same thing. No seriously it’s a space ship. I used to play in cardboard boxes and pretend they were space ships when I was a child. Now that I am a serious adult, and a socialist, or a Democratic socialist to boot, I will use this spaceship to travel to the Ferengi homeworld and teach them the joys of my superior economic system. I have no idea how long it will take to arrive on Ferenginar. Or where Ferenginar is. I take the answers to these questions on faith. Just like socialism. Or Democratic socialism. I don’t know how socialism works but I have faith it does.

Octavio-Cortez, the future of the Democratic, or the social Democratic party, then warned reporters not to stand to close to her spaceship as it takes off.

Granted I won’t be using icky fossil fuels or ickier nuclear energy so there is no risk of explosion. My ship pilots on wind power. But better safe than sorry. So stand back and watch me take off on the most glorious adventure of my life. The adventure of socialism! Or Democratic socialism. They might be the same thing.

She then disappeared inside her carboard box cum spaceship with her co-pilot Bernie Sanders.

“Does this thing have a bathroom?” asked Sanders as the box was taped shut.

“My prostate is the size of Texas and I urinate frequently. You could say I redistribute my urine in a socialist, or Democratic socialist because they might be the same thing, fashion.”

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3 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    How long will Ocasio last in the spaceship with Bernie?

    Will the spaceship become soggy and fall apart with Bernie’s redistribution?

    How long before Ocasio redistributes Bernie’s space to Gwyneth Paltrow?

    This story’s only just begun.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Comrade socialism is a compassionate system that allows us to make economic progress. And Bernie’s prostate is almost as big as his heart.

  2. LSP says:

    That’s a beautiful insight, Infidel.

    The Revolution is compassionate as well as DRIVEN by justice.

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