Today at Manhattan Infidel, the journalistic juggernaut that taught MSNBC and CNN everything they know, I have the pleasure of interviewing President Trump’s former lawyer, Michael Cohen.
MI: Good afternoon, Mr. Cohen.
MC: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.
MI: Let’s start out by talking about your relationship with President Trump. You are his lawyer.
MC: Correction. I was his lawyer.
MI: Was his lawyer. Now when you were his lawyer what were your responsibilities.
MC: To look out for the interests of my client and to definitely not under any circumstances tape record my conversations with them.
MI: To look out for their interests and not tape record conversations.
MC: To definitely not tape record them under any circumstances. Because that’s just wrong. And lawyers are very ethical.
[Cohen pulls out what appears to be a very large, heavy reel to reel tape recorder]
MI: What is that?
MC: I don’t know what it is. I bought it at an antique fair. But it’s definitely NOT a tape recorder that I will use to record our conversation and use against you when the special prosecutor raids my office.
MI: That’s comforting to know. It looks heavy.
MC: It weighs around 100 pounds. I think it’s responsible for my hernia. But whatever it is it’s definitely not a tape recorder.
[Stormy Daniel’s lawyer Michael Avenatti enters]
MA: May I borrow this device which is definitely not a tape recorder?
MC: By all means. We lawyers owe each other professional courtesy after all. So take this heavy device that has given me a hernia and definitely isn’t a tape recorder.
MA: Thank you. I’d stick around longer to chat but I have a client waiting in the car.
[Stormy Daniels enters]
SD: Come on Michael. Hurry up. The meter has expired and I had to give the traffic cop a blow job to not get a ticket. Me! Stormy Daniels! I don’t hand out blow jobs. Not for free! Hey, nice device you got there. I don’t know what it is but it’s definitely not a tape recorder.
MC: Thank you Stormy, who is definitely not a prostitute who definitely does not give blow jobs. For free.
MA: Michael can you help me move this device which is definitely not a tape recorder?
MC: Sure thing.
[Cohen attempts to pick it up, grimaces in pain and collapses]
MC: Oh god. My hernia. I could hear the ball sack ripping away from the side of my leg.
MI: Yikes. That’s definitely not disgusting.
MA: Definitely not a hernia. Well we’re out of here.
[He and Stormy leave]
MC: Please Manhattan Infidel will you help me? Just put your finger in there and help me move my testicles back up.
MI: Um. Okay well that’s about all the time I have.
MC: Please! Help me! I can pull it back up myself but I need someone to tape it to my thigh.
MI: Nice talking to you.
Another interview. Another unpleasant experience. It’s all part of the job of an investigative journalist who definitely isn’t making things up.
(40)
Stormy’s husband who is definitely not a pimp wants a cut of Stormy the not prostitute’s cashflow.
JUSTICE FOR THE PIMP!
Pimps are natural feminists. That makes them compassionate and enlightened.