My Exclusive Interview with Michael Cohen

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I am definitely NOT taping this conversation!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today at Manhattan Infidel, the journalistic juggernaut that taught MSNBC and CNN everything they know, I have the pleasure of interviewing President Trump’s former lawyer, Michael Cohen.

MI: Good afternoon, Mr. Cohen.

MC: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.

MI: Let’s start out by talking about your relationship with President Trump. You are his lawyer.

MC: Correction. I was his lawyer.

MI: Was his lawyer. Now when you were his lawyer what were your responsibilities.

MC: To look out for the interests of my client and to definitely not under any circumstances tape record my conversations with them.

MI:  To look out for their interests and not tape record conversations.

MC: To definitely not tape record them under any circumstances. Because that’s just wrong. And lawyers are very ethical.

[Cohen pulls out what appears to be a very large, heavy reel to reel tape recorder] 

Definitely not a tape recorder

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MI: What is that?

MC: I don’t know what it is. I bought it at an antique fair. But it’s definitely NOT a tape recorder that I will use to record our conversation and use against you when the special prosecutor raids my office.

MI: That’s comforting to know. It looks heavy.

MC: It weighs around 100 pounds. I think it’s responsible for my hernia. But whatever it is it’s definitely not a tape recorder.

[Stormy Daniel’s lawyer Michael Avenatti enters] 

Lawyers are very ethical people

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MA: May I borrow this device which is definitely not a tape recorder?

MC: By all means. We lawyers owe each other professional courtesy after all. So take this heavy device that has given me a hernia and definitely isn’t a tape recorder.

MA: Thank you. I’d stick around longer to chat but I have a client waiting in the car.

[Stormy Daniels enters] 

Definitely doesn’t perform oral sex. For free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SD: Come on Michael. Hurry up. The meter has expired and I had to give the traffic cop a blow job to not get a ticket. Me! Stormy Daniels!  I don’t hand out blow jobs. Not for free! Hey, nice device you got there. I don’t know what it is but it’s definitely not a tape recorder.

MC: Thank you Stormy, who is definitely not a prostitute who definitely does not give blow jobs. For free.  

MA: Michael can you help me move this device which is definitely not a tape recorder?

MC: Sure thing.

[Cohen attempts to pick it up, grimaces in pain and collapses]

MC: Oh god. My hernia. I could hear the ball sack ripping away from the side of my leg.

MI: Yikes. That’s definitely not disgusting.

MA: Definitely not a hernia. Well we’re out of here.

[He and Stormy leave]

MC: Please Manhattan Infidel will you help me? Just put your finger in there and help me move my testicles back up.

MI: Um. Okay well that’s about all the time I have.

MC:  Please!  Help me!  I can pull it back up myself but I need someone to tape it to my thigh.

MI:  Nice talking to you.

Another interview. Another unpleasant experience. It’s all part of the job of an investigative journalist who definitely isn’t making things up.

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2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Stormy’s husband who is definitely not a pimp wants a cut of Stormy the not prostitute’s cashflow.

    JUSTICE FOR THE PIMP!

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