Browsing the blog archives for July, 2016
Captain America learned his fate today from a military tribunal after a trial that polarized an already deeply divided America. The tribunal found that America was guilty of “unconscious biases” towards Latinos, blacks, women, the trangendered and nongendered and reduced his rank. While not as bad as being court-martialed out of the service, the demotion in […]
Legendary ESPN college basketball analyst surprised many today by announcing he will be giving up his television job to devote himself to the cause of Black Lives Matters. In a statement released on his website, Vitale announced that effective immediately he will be stepping down from his analyst duties to devote himself full time to […]
Popular superhero Mighty Mouse continued his fall from grace after it was revealed that a woman who once came to him for help is suing the rodent for sexual harassment. “I was in danger and he was great” the unidentified woman said in court papers. He landed right in the middle of the alley and started singing […]
As Americans are well aware, the last week has been a trying one for our country. One constant has been the reassuring coverage of the events provided by our mainstream media. In these disordered times I was lucky enough to snag an interview with none other than lead MSNBC correspondent Brian Williams. MI: Good afternoon Mr. […]
With the death of Alton Sterling many celebrities took to Twitter to offer their support and outrage. One such “celebrity” was the rapidly fading Mischa Barton, who may have starred in a TV show of some sort long ago but now is mainly known for taking it up the ass from agents, directors, producers, fellow […]
Wearing a traditional thawb, the Easter Bunny shocked the world today by announcing that he has converted to Islam and will now be known as “Muhammad Bunny.” “I will no longer be a slave to the Christian boys and girls” said Muhammad. Instead I shall spend my days reading the Koran and serving the prophet for […]
Vivek Murthy, the Surgeon General of the United States, has announced that he will be expanding warning labels and will be placing them on everything. “Putting warning labels on cigarettes doesn’t go nearly far enough to protect our citizens” said Murthy. It is the job of the Federal government to ensure our citizens live safe, […]
One of the most popular moments in the holy month of Ramadan is the annual “Competitive Suicide Bomber” contest sponsored by Nathan’s Hot Dogs. “I have come from hundreds of miles away just to see this” said one of the people lucky enough to view the event. The contest began in 1974 as a dare […]
Mr. Freeze, well-known around Gotham for his cryogenic suit, was fined today by the Environmental Protection Agency. “As you know the primary mission of the EPA is to abolish private property and take control of everything” said EPA administrator Gina McCarthy. But we also care about protecting the environment when we’re not polluting it. The […]
So this Monday is the Fourth of July. For me the Fourth of July isn’t a day to celebrate. It is a day of mourning. I mourn for the Republic we have lost and will never get back again. One hundred years of the “progressive” movement has reached its end game: transforming a limited government […]