Dick Vitale Joins Black Lives Matter!

Oh yeah baby, Black Lives Matter be Eatin’ Pot Roast out of a Bread Bowl on a Tuesday

Oh yeah baby, Black Lives Matter be Eatin’ Pot Roast out of a Bread Bowl on a Tuesday

Legendary ESPN college basketball analyst surprised many today by announcing he will be giving up his television job to devote himself to the cause of Black Lives Matters.

In a statement released on his website, Vitale announced that effective immediately he will be stepping down from his analyst duties to devote himself full time to “social justice.”

Oh yeah, baby. It’s the ’60s all  over again baby. Our black children are being assassinated on the street baby. The pigs in uniform are playing Mr. Pac Man with the brothers, baby. They are putting the brothers on the All-Alcatraz team baby! Whatever happened to racial harmony. It’s absolutely whack baby!  It’s whack! Oh yeah!

While Vitale’s decision surprised many, some of his colleagues knew that he was about to make a change.

“Dick’s a good friend of mine” said former Notre Dame couch and ESPN analyst Digger Phelps.

I knew the events of the past week had left him dazed. He called up me after the Dallas shooting and told me that it was time that everyone sat down. The NCAA, the NBA, the police and came up with a suitable solution to these problems. He then said “Oh yeah baby” about 30 times in a row. I hung up at that point because frankly he was getting annoying.

After announcing his decision Vitale joined a Black Lives Matter protest outside Dallas and began speaking to the crowd.

“We didn’t know who he was” said a protester.

All we saw was this bald white dude. Some thought it might have been Ben Affleck not wearing his toupee. It made sense. Ben is rich and white so we know he’s a friend of the black man. But then he said “Oh yeah baby” about 40 times in a row so I thought maybe he was a white rapper I had never heard of.

Despite walking away from ESPN in the middle of his contract, ESPN says there are no hard feelings.

“We want to thank Dick for his many years with us” said a spokesman for the cable giant.

We at ESPN support Dick in his quest for social justice. ESPN has a long history of supporting progressive causes. Some of our on-air analysts are even black. So you can see we support equal rights and Black Lives Matter.

ESPN then announced that it would be giving Vitale its “Profile in Courage” award for his support of the black civil right’s movement as personified by Black Lives Matter.

ESPN also said that most of its studio lineup will be revamped to demonstrate their commitment to Black Lives Matter.

The first show to be changed will be the popular “Pardon the Interruption.”

We’re getting rid of the white guy (Kornheiser) and making it an all black show. Colin Ferguson, the LIRR shooter, would be a good addition. He’s black and he’s fought the white man.

The first episode of the new Pardon the Interruption with Colin Ferguson will feature Dick Vitale as a guest. The two are expected to discuss expanding the NCAA tournament and scientific evidence that the white man is descended from the Devil.


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