As Americans are well aware, the last week has been a trying one for our country. One constant has been the reassuring coverage of the events provided by our mainstream media. In these disordered times I was lucky enough to snag an interview with none other than lead MSNBC correspondent Brian Williams.
MI: Good afternoon Mr. Williams.
BW: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel. It’s a pleasure to talk to a blogger. I remember when I started my career in 1981 I had a blog.
MI: Um. The internet didn’t exist then.
BW: Oh that’s right. Sorry. It must be the fog of war.
MI: What war?
BW: The civil war in Dallas. The end of times.
MI: Aren’t you being a little melodramatic?
BW: I remember I was there when Philando Castille was shot. I was in the car. I remember telling him, “Phil, do what the cop says. No sudden movements. You know how cops love to shoot black men. Especially black men who have busted taillights.”
MI: He was stopped because he was a suspect in an armed robbery.
BW: The facts are irrelevant. All I remember is the horror of the white cop shooting him. I heard the gun go off and I looked over at Phil and he was bleeding.
MI: You weren’t there.
BW: Yes I was.
MI: You weren’t there. You weren’t in the car.
BW: I’m sorry. Perhaps I wasn’t. The fog of war rules apply now.
MI: What?
BW: Dallas. A scene of war. You know President Kennedy was shot and killed in Dallas.
MI: Yes I know.
BW: I remember being in the limo when I heard the first shot. I turned around and said “President Kennedy that’s gunfire. Probably from a white cop angered by your support of civil rights.” I was about to shield him with my body when the fatal shot hit him.
MI: You weren’t there.
BW: Yes I was.
MI: No you weren’t.
BW: I’m sorry. Perhaps you are right. It’s the fog of war rules.
MI: Right. Now let’s talk about the events of Thursday night.
BW: It is the end of times. Civil war. It’s urban warfare. It’s an urban army of people killing in the name of Alton Sterling.
MI: Actually it was a lone gunman.
BW: Did you know that President Kennedy was assassinated not far from the spot where the shootings in Dallas occurred.
MI: You’ve mentioned that several times.
BW: I remember when Lee Harvey Oswald brought in some curtain rods to work at the Texas Book Depository. I said, “That’s odd.” I wish I had investigated more. But I was under the fog of war.
MI: Okay well that’s about all the time –
BW: Did you know Jack Ruby told me he was going to kill Lee Harvey Oswald? I didn’t think he was serious. But you can understand. The president had just been assassinated. In Dallas. There was the fog of war everywhere.
MI: For god’s sake that never happened. You were four years old when Kennedy was assassinated.
BW: That’s impossible. I remember it clearly.
MI: Alright. Thank you for you time.
BW: You’re leaving?
MI: Yes.
BW: Let’s be careful out there. I always say that to my fellow police officers before a shift.
MI: Goddamn it. That’s Hill Street Blues.
BW: Got matching suits and Beatle boots and a sign on the back of the car and we was ready to work in a go go bar.
MI: That’s Frank Zappa from Joe’s Garage.
BW: I was his lyricist for years.
MI: No you weren’t. Good bye.
BW: Fog of –
MI: War. Yes, yes, I know.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so hard on Brian Williams. My memory is faulty too. Benedict Arnold used to often say that to me when we were discussing his defection to the British.
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