Browsing the blog archives for May, 2013
A soccer-loving man who planned to dribble a soccer ball from Seattle Washington to Sao Paulo, Brazil to watch the 2014 World Cup was run over and killed in Lincoln City, Oregon just 14 days into his journey. The man, whom local police refer to as “The soccer loving idiot” was dribbling his blue soccer […]
“My goal was to strike out 200 times this year, but obviously with my injury I don’t think I’ll be able to do it” ~ Curtis Granderson The Yankees tonight started a six-game home stand against the Seattle Mariners. In what promised to be a great pitching matchup the Yankees started CC Sabathia (4-3 3.19) […]
More gun violence has struck the heartland of America. Nineteen people were shot during a Mother’s Day parade in the city of New Orleans. “It was horrible” said an eyewitness. The brother just started firing into the crowd. I’m a lifelong resident of New Orleans and I haven’t seen such gun violence ever! Well, not […]
GEICO is one of the largest car insurance companies in America with over 11 million insured customers. Yet there is one demographic that GEICO has had difficulties with: Jews. “It’s true” said a GEICO spokesman. “Jews just don’t want to insure with us. I blame the damn Gecko.” At the root of the problem is […]
Blimpie, the sandwich chain giant has rolled out a new menu item: The Gallstone Wrap. “We were looking to develop a new food item for our menu that our competitors didn’t have” said Blimpie’s chief operating officer. We tried a number of different sandwich combinations but none of them were what we were looking for. […]
Parents, fellow teachers and school administrators are dealing with the fallout after a popular high school teacher admitted that she hasn’t slept with any of her students. “Teenage boys just aren’t my thing” she told shocked colleagues. The principal of the teacher in question has asked for calm and sent out a letter to parents […]
Sometimes being a world-famous blogger my mugshot is in every precinct in the Northeast has decided advantages. The other day I received an invitation in the mail from none other than power couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie “requesting the honor of your presence” at their estate in France. Needless to say I jumped at […]
In breaking news a local man who is credited with coining the phrase “It’s never too late” has died unexpectedly. “He always had a smile on his face. He was always optimistic” said one neighbor. “A fresh beam of sunshine, he was” said another. His catch mark encouragement became well-known around town. “I remember when […]
Greetings fellow militants in the struggle against imperialism, Zionism and the Great Satan! We hope you had a great year. You know, being a member of Al-Qaeda is more than shootings, bombings and suicide attacks. There are cookouts and family events too. We like to think of ourselves as a social club. Without Jews, of […]
Alvin and the Chipmunks, the all-time pop chipmunk recording group have decided to go their separate ways. “It was inevitable” said a source close to them that wishes to remain anonymous. You had those chipmunk egos. Add the business problems they were having and you have a recipe for disaster. The Chipmunks, originally from Liverpool, […]