Alvin and the Chipmunks Break Up

Alvin and the Chipmunks at the height of their fame

Alvin and the Chipmunks at the height of their fame

Alvin and the Chipmunks, the all-time pop chipmunk recording group have decided to go their separate ways.

“It was inevitable” said a source close to them that wishes to remain anonymous.

You had those chipmunk egos.  Add the business problems they were having and you have a recipe for disaster.

The Chipmunks, originally from Liverpool, New York burst onto the music scene and the consciousness of America with their hit single “I want to hold your tail.”   From then on it was hit after hit.  “Chipmunkmania”  took hold of America.  At the height of their fame the individual Chipmunks, Alvin, Simon and Theodore, were worshiped as pop icons.   It seemed the good times would go on forever.

But behind the scenes, storm clouds were brewing.

The other chipmunks resented Alvin.  Alvin got credited by the critics for most of their success.  Simon and Theodore didn’t like that.  Also, the other two didn’t like Alvin’s new squirrel girlfriend.  She convinced Alvin that he was an artist and that the other chipmunks were not good enough for him.  And she got Alvin hooked on heroin.

There were also the musical differences between Alvin and Simon. Simon preferred that the Chipmunks maintain a pop-oriented sound, while Alvin began to experiment with tape loops and sound effects. Things came to a head when Alvin insisted on a putting a nine-minute sound collage called “Revolution Number  12 1/3” on their self-titled double album.

“I remember Simon telling everyone who would listen, ‘Revolution Number 12 1/3? What the fuck is that crap?’ ” said their producer.

But the problems weren’t confined to just Alvin and Simon.  Theodore also had his problems with Alvin.  The two came to blows one day when Theodore called Alvin’s girlfriend “ugly with no talent.”  He also told Alvin that he should have stayed with his own kind instead of dating a squirrel.

“That pissed off Alvin to no end.  He didn’t speak to Theodore for weeks after that.”

And then their were the business problems.  At the height of their fame they started their own music publishing company called “Nut.”

Despite a series of hit records Nut quickly lost money.  Confounding matters was the fact that Alvin and Simon wanted different managers.  Simon wanted his new father-in-law to run the company.  Alvin on the other hand considered Simon’s father-in-law to be a “bourgeois chipmunk pig.”

The end finally came during one of their interminable business meetings when Simon tried to convince the other two to go back on tour.

“I think your daft” Alvin exploded.  “I’m leaving the group.”

Things remained quiet on the Chipmunk front for the next couple months as they went their separate ways.  Simon finally  revealed to America that their favorite Chipmunks have broken up when he released his new album,complete with a questionnaire in which he took credit for leaving the group.

Do I ever miss Theodore and wish he were here for this break?  No.  Will the breakup be permanent or temporary?  I don’t know.  All I know is that I have more fun with my family.

Alvin is currently residing in New York City and recording with his squirrel wife.  Simon has formed a new band, “Simon and the Bird Eggs” and plans to go on tour. Theodore is reported to be in Nashville recording a country album called “Beaucoups of Nuts.”

The last word remains with their fans, who have flooded the switchboard at Nut Records begging the group to get back together.

“They’re never going to be as good on their own” sobbed one fan.  “And what about poor Theodore, who was never as good as their original drummer anyway.”


3 Responses

  1. What a racist screed! Not one mention of the white guy, Dave. Those midget squirlles would have been nothing without Dave, the white guy.

  2. innominatus says:

    Hee. This prompted memories of Beavis & Butthead watching a Yoko video. She was wearing really dark, obnoxious sunglasses.
    “Heh. Butthead. I don’t think she’s really blind. She keeps heh heh looking down at the keyboard.”

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