“My goal was to strike out 200 times this year, but obviously with my injury I don’t think I’ll be able to do it” ~ Curtis Granderson

If you look closely you can see Curtis Granderson striking out

The Yankees tonight started a six-game home stand against the Seattle Mariners.  In what promised to be a great pitching matchup the Yankees started CC Sabathia (4-3 3.19) while the Pilots Mariners started King Felix Hernandez (5-2 1.53).  Both pitched effectively though neither were involved in the decision.

The Mariners got on the board first in the top of the third.  After Robert Andino led off and popped up Michael Saunders reached first on an error by Lyle “I’ll take the under” Overbay.  Jason Bay then flied out to left field.  Kyle Seager then doubled scoring Saunders.  1-0 Seattle after three.

In the top of the sixth Seattle scored two more runs.  Catcher Kelly Shoppach led off with a single.  The next batter, former Yankee hero Raul Ibanez homered to right field.  Sabathia then walked Robert Andino before striking out the next three batters.

In the bottom of the sixth Curtis Granderson who had, yes, struck out in the fourth, hit a soft grounder back to the pitcher’s mound.  King Felix fielded it and threw to second forcing out Robinson Cano.  However Hernandez appeared to injure himself and was taken out after the inning.  Lyle Overbay then doubled to right, scoring Granderson.  After a Jason Nix walk Ichiro Suzuki flied out to center to end the inning.  3-1 Seattle after six.

With Hernandez out of the game the Yankees pulled ahead in the seventh.  Chris “Who?” Nelson, apparently our starting third baseman led off with a single and then stole second.  After our catcher Austin “Francisco Cervelli please come back soon” Romine struck out Seattle reliever Charlie Furbush proceeded to eat the furbush and gave up a double to Robinson Cano, scoring Nelson and Brett Gardner, who had walked, tying the score.   After an intentional walk to Vernon Wells and a walk to Curtis Granderson Lyle Overbay hit a sacrifice fly scoring Cano.  Jason Nix then struck out ending the inning.  4-3 Yankees after seven.

And that was the final score.  Shawn Kelley (2-0 5.87) got the win for the Yankees and Charlie Furbush (0-2 5.40) got the loss for Seattle.  Mariano Rivera recorded his 16th save with a 1-2-3 ninth inning.

Notes on the game:

As mentioned earlier this was Curtis Granderson’s first game back from a broken hand received in spring training.  To commemorate the event the first 20,000 fans in attendance were audited by the IRS.

In keeping with Granderson’s return he struck out during batting practice.  And once on the on-deck circle.  Once during the game.  He also struck out in the shower after the game.  And he struck out in a nightclub after that while trying to pick up a supermodel.

Best heckle of the game:

The Seattle right fielder was Michael Morse.  I heckled him with “Michael.  Dot dot.  Dash dash. You suck!‘  I thought that was a pretty clever play on his last name but it didn’t fire up the crowd.

However the man next to me fired up the crowd with his heckle of “Before sin the human body was immortal not by nature, but by a gift of divine grace; otherwise its immortality would not be forfeited through sin.”  This heckle brought fans to their feet cheering, which surprised me.  I had no idea Yankee fans were such Thomists.  I was sure they were more Augustinian-Platonic than Aquinas-Aristotelian.

Reader mail:

D.B. of Philadelphia writes, “I live in Philly and root for all the local sports teams.  Does that make me a bad person?”

Yes.  Yes it does.  You suck.

L.K. of New Jersey writes, “My dog keeps digging up the dead whores in my back yard.  What can I do?”

Good question L.K.  Get a cat.

A.P. of Poughkeepsie, New York writes, “I like muscle relaxants.  They make me feel funny.”

You should mix and match them.  And don’t believe the recommended dosage on the label.  They just put that there for legal reasons.  Have fun.

Recommended reading material:

Eschatology:  Death and Eternal Life by Joseph Ratzinger.

And so my record stands at 1-1 this year.  My next game is June 3rd against the Cleveland Indians (and the return of Nick Swisher.)

Go Yankees!

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