Non-Intimacy between teachers and students will not be tolerated!

Parents, fellow teachers and school administrators are dealing with the fallout after a popular high school teacher admitted that she hasn’t slept with any of her students.

“Teenage boys just aren’t my thing” she told shocked colleagues.

The principal of the teacher in question has asked for calm and sent out a letter to parents that said in part:

Just because one teacher doesn’t sleep with her student doesn’t mean that our school doesn’t maintain the highest standards.  On behalf of the entire district I would just like to say that I will be available to address any of your concerns.  So please drop by my office.  Especially if your are a MILF.  And you like it rough.

Students in the troubled school immediately held a candlelight vigil.  Many held up handmade signs with messages such as “Celibacy is not one of our values” and “We are sorry America.”

Several of the students were interviewed by television reporters.

“I hope that this doesn’t make us appear backward or stupid” said one.

Another student, choking back tears complained that her life was over.

“How can I ever get a job now?” she said.  “I can’t put on my resume that I attended this school. I’m so ashamed.”

The president of the student body talked about the core values of the school.

I’ve slept with all of my teachers.  And not even just to improve my grades.  I did it because I enjoyed it.  And I’m proud to say that I only caught the Clap on one occasion.  I think that is the message we should be sending to the rest of America.  Our school stands for consensual sex without communicable diseases.  And a high standard of education.  But mainly hot sex between teenagers and teachers.  In that respect we are in the mainstream of American values.

The administrator of the school district talked about the economic repercussions of the teacher’s decision to not sleep with her students.

The town voted down the school budget.  Apparently they thought that their taxes were already too high.  Teabaggers!  So we have to raise money another way.  I was in talks with MTV about doing a reality show here called “MILFs Teachers and Their Pets” but now that the word has gotten out that one of our own refused to sleep with a student that deal is off.  I haven’t been so upset since we didn’t have that school shooting last semester.  That would have brought in money too!

As for the teacher in question, who has been dubbed a “sexual refusenick”, she has been placed on administrative leave.

“It’s for the children” said the principal.

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