Browsing the blog archives for May, 2013
I have often had the chance to view celebrities up close and personal, whether they wanted to be observed or not. And once again I would like to apologize to Olivia Wilde for showing up at her door 20 nights in a row pretending to be a pizza delivery boy. I should have known that […]
Jake and the Fat Man made their triumphant return to the Jersey shore yesterday, wowing crowds and reminding people once again why they are America’s favorite comedy duo. It was at the Jersey shore that the two first teamed up and unexpectedly created a comedy phenomenon. Before this the Fat Man was viewed as an […]
Brainiac, the bald, green-skinned humanoid with city-shrinking powers has lost on Jeopardy, not even lasting until the Final Jeopardy round. “We were all surprised by this” said host Alex Trebek. “You would think that someone named ‘Brainiac’ would, well, have more knowledge in his brain.” Brainiac was the heavy favorite to win but suffered irreversible […]
The week since the man-caused death of a British soldier in London has been a time of reflection here at the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel. Specifically, what was the root cause of this man-caused death? The British soldier in question was beheaded and hacked up with a meat cleaver by two men. Videotapes cannot […]
The world was saved from nuclear annihilation today after Skynet, the self-aware artificial intelligence system suffered a blue screen during its initial online testing. The full scale destruction of humanity caused by nuclear war which some punk kid named John Connor prophesied would happen should Skynet go online was avoided when every computer in the […]
With the many scandals now surrounding the Obama administration many have asked yours truly to stop texting them photos of my penis when I will apply my world famous templates to this. Always willing to listen to my public except when they get restraining orders I now present for your edification the Obama Scandal Template™. […]
Being a blogger means one thing: Not making a profit Being at the forefront of breaking news stories. And when the scandal of the IRS targeting groups opposed to the Obama administration broke I spared no expense to get to the bottom of the story. Using my contacts in the government hookers I was able […]
Gunnery Sergeant Vince Carter of the United States Marines freely admits he is frustrated with the new breed of recruits. “I just don’t understand kids anymore” he said. I’ve been in the marines 16, or 18 or 19 years I don’t remember. I’ve always been tough with my recruits. And they respected me. But the […]
Do not worry about umbrella anxiety. It happens to everyone. To: President Obama, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Re: The purchase of our model 27X black folding umbrella As the new owner of our black model 27X umbrella you can be assured of quality umbrella usage for years to come. Before using your umbrella we ask you […]
Oscar winning actress Angelina Jolie has revealed that she has had both of her breasts amputated after discovering that she is at risk of getting breast cancer in the future. “I have just completed three months of medical procedures to remove both of my breasts” the brave woman said. My decision to have a mastectomy […]