Pyle I bet you’re the type of marine to f*ck someone in the a** and not even give them the courtesy of a reach-around!

Gunnery Sergeant Vince Carter of the United States Marines freely admits he is frustrated with the new breed of recruits.

“I just don’t understand kids anymore” he said.

I’ve been in the marines 16, or 18 or 19 years I don’t remember.  I’ve always been tough with my recruits.  And they respected me.  But the new marines?  Punks all of them.  Especially this Pyle character.  I mean I know times have changed.  Don’t ask don’t tell and all that. I know we are supposed to be politically correct and sensitive but really.  How am I supposed to do my job if I have to hold everyone’s hand?  What ever happened to the good old days when you could scream at some kid and not have to worry about him crying?

When asked if he had any specific complaints about the modern marine, Carter throws his hands in the air and spits out one word in disgust:  Pyle!

One of my favorite things, and I’ve used it for years is to yell at a recruit and say “I bet you’re the type of man who’ll f*ck a man in the a** and not even give him the courtesy of a reach-around.”  The line shocks the kids into paying attention.  It used to always work.  Well one day I used that line on Pyle and you know what happened?  He just smiled and said, “Oh Sarge you know that’s not true.  I always give reach arounds.  It’s  just common courtesy and downright neighborly.”

Now I’m the one being shocked.  And I don’t like it.  I’m supposed to make these kids killing machines.  One day I caught Pyle writing “Make love” on the walls of the barracks.  I said “What is this?  Make love not war?  Some hippie crap?”  And do you know what Pyle said?  He said  “No Sarge.  I just want to make love.  All the time.  To all of humanity.”  Then he asked me if I needed a hug.  A hug?  This kid got me so out of sorts I had to go beat up a prostitute just to feel better.

Carter wonders if perhaps it is time for him to retire.

I don’t know.  Maybe I should just quit and buy a bar somewhere.  No one needs my type anymore.  I have five good conduct medals.  I was cited for bravery in Korea.  I have a Bronze Star, a Purple Heart.  I have a Semper Fidelis tattoo. I”m proud of that tattoo.  You know I told Pyle to get a tattoo.  So he gets a tattoo of Madonna. And not the religious one.  What the hell?  I guess I’m just a cranky old man.  I’m going for my 20 years then I’m quitting.

Gunnery Sergeant Carter then received a phone call.

What the hell is a metrosexual anyway?

He’s what?  What do you mean Pyle’s redecorating the barracks?  Redecorating it how?  What the f*ck is a metrosexual feel?  That does it!

Carter then slammed the phone down and loaded his revolver.

“I should have shot that son of a bitch long ago!” he said as he left  the room.

Note:  Gunnery sergeant Vince Carter has been arrested for the murder of private Gomer Pyle.  Carter is claiming that he did it for the good of the service.

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