George Washington Carver slapped my vagina!
I have often had the chance to view celebrities up close and personal, whether they wanted to be observed or not. And once again I would like to apologize to Olivia Wilde for showing up at her door 20 nights in a row pretending to be a pizza delivery boy. I should have known that ruse wouldn’t work. But I digress.
In my role as a blogger I have closely chronicled pop culture. Its ups. Its downs. What brand of taser Olivia Wilde uses. And recently like all America I have watched former teen star Amanda Bynes have a very public meltdown after being arrested by the NYPD for throwing drug paraphernalia out of her apartment window. Shocked by her ragged appearance, many speculated that she was mentally ill. As a service to my readers and until my taser burns heal I now present the unexpurgated tweets of Amanda Bynes. Let the reader decide based on the evidence:
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
Zira @planet of the apes – you think you’re pretty? Ur not a pretty model compared to me. Shave your facial hair like I do.
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
Zira @planet of the apes – I’m talking to you bitch. I don’t look up to u beauty wise. I’m far prettier than u! I am not mentally ill. I show no signs of mental illness. Stop slapping my vagina!
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
Zira @planet of the apes – you’re an old ugly chimpanzee compared to me. I don’t respect you. You’re no beauty queen. I’m a beauty queen who is totally not insane.
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
Booker T. Washington or George Washington Carver, whichever one was the peanut guy, he slapped my vagina!
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
Zira @planet of the apes – I don’t like you. Why don’t you respond to my tweets? It’s like you’re not real. I’m real. And I’m not insane.
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
Thomas Jefferson slapped my vagina!
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
Zira @planet of the apes – I saw you kissing Charlton Heston. I saw you kissing Charlton Heston. What does he see in you. You’re ugly. And old. You look like you’re 45. What does he see in you?
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
I am not insane! I’m a model. And a fashion designer. And a rapper.
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
The guy who played Lionel Jefferson on The Jeffersons slapped my vagina. No, not the first guy. The second guy. Yeah, he’s the one who slapped my vagina.
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
Zira @planet of the apes – Not one man who wants me wants you. I think you’re jealous and your career is uninspiring. I am not insane. I’m a rap star.
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
Charlton Heston slapped my vagina. Not Zira’s!
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
The NYPD slapped my vagina! Why be everybody slapping on my vagina?
Amanda Bynes @AmandaBynes
I slapped my own vagina. Why does everyone think I’m insane.
And there you have it readers. Judge Amanda on the evidence. Just don’t slap her vagina. And once again I’d like to apologize to Olivia Wilde for showing up at her door pretending I was a refrigerator repair man. I should have known that ruse wouldn’t work.
(673)
Dud, you’ve got to to find some better ruses. Try pretending you’re a gay vagina slapper.
Jim: Olivia’s on to me. I’m running out of ruses.
And I had no idea who this Amanda Bynes trainwreck was until about two weeks ago when she was arrested. She actually did accuse the cops of “slapping her vagina.”
All I can say is: Must of been some very short cops.