You have nothing to fear. We are your friend

Being a blogger means one thing:  Not making a profit Being at the forefront of breaking news stories.  And when the scandal of the IRS targeting groups opposed to the Obama administration broke I spared no expense to get to the bottom of the story.  Using my contacts in the government hookers I was able to get access absolutely no access to the movers and shakers in Washington.  And so, without further adieu I now present my exclusive interview with former acting IRS commissioner Steven T. Miller (pictured here)

I want your blood. And any records that prove you oppose the administration

MI: Thank you for meeting with me.

STM:  No problem.  As a government employee we exist to serve the people.

MI: Do you really believe that?

STM: Of course.  [Pause] Ah, who am I kidding.  We are better than you rubes.

MI: Okay. Moving along.  What would you say is the role of the IRS?

STM: To objectively, impartially and fairly collect income from Americans.

MI: Seriously?

STM: Okay, you got me.  The IRS’s role is to punish the administration’s enemies.  To make the lives of conservatives a living hell.  To use tax records to blackmail and intimidate those whose politics we disagree with.

MI: Wow.  I must say I appreciate your honesty.

STM: I’m out of control I tell you.  Power mad.  I destroy.  Why before I went into the office this morning I broke my cat’s neck and drank his blood. Why?  Why not.  That’s just how I, and the IRS, roll. 

MI: Okay.  I don’t know how to follow up with that but let’s start with this.  Does the IRS make use of “code words” to target certain groups?

STM: You mean like teabaggers?

MI:Yes.  Exactly.

STM: Never.

MI: Really?

STM: Okay.  You got me.  Especially teabaggers.  We target all those that believe in smaller government.  Because by believing in smaller government they decrease my power.  Power!  I live for it.

MI: You’re starting to scare me.

Look into my eyes!

STM:  Look into my eyes.

MI: Stop that. Now back to my question.  How many code words do you use?

STM: Thousands, literally.

MI: Can you give me some examples?

STM: Any group that wants to “make America a better place” we target.  Some other code words include “small government” “Patriot” and “George Lazenby” to name a few.

MI: George Lazenby?  Really?  Why?

STM: It’s a well known fact that George Lazenby’s fans all favor smaller government.

MI: I did not know that.

STM: By the way, as long as you’re here, do you suffer from any blood disorders?

MI: Not that I”m aware of.

STM: Perfect.  [He lunges at Manhattan Infidel]

I’m a government employee. I must drink your blood!

MI: Will you cut that out.  I just had gall bladder surgery. You’ll rip my stitches.

STM: But I’m a government employee.  I must drink your blood.

MI: I’m out of here. Psycho!

STM: Come back.  Come back now!  Or I’ll audit you!  And drink your blood!  And kill your cat!

MI:  One last thing before I go.  You were forced to resign because of the IRS scandal.

STM:  I did not resign.  I was scheduled to move on anyway.

MI:  Really?

STM:  Would I lie?

Would I lie?

And there you have it readers.  Once again I have unearthed a story the mainstream media won’t touch:  Many in the IRS wear capes.

(681)