The Geico Gecko’s Jewish Problem

Cut me some slack!  I've evolved.

Cut me some slack! I’ve evolved.

GEICO is one of the largest car insurance companies in America with over 11 million insured customers.  Yet there is one demographic that GEICO has had difficulties with:  Jews.

“It’s true” said a GEICO spokesman.  “Jews just don’t want to insure with us.  I blame the damn Gecko.”

At the root of the problem is a passage from the Book of Leviticus:

“Of the creatures that swarm on the ground, the following are unclean for you………the gecko.” Leviticus 11:29-30.

Sources familiar with the inside workings of GEICO relate how heated the discussions have been regarding dropping the famous Gecko from its ad campaigns.

“We really want to crack the Jewish market but as long as we have the Gecko with us he’ll be a millstone around our neck” said a GEICO executive.

Indeed if it weren’t for the Gecko’s ironclad ten-year contract with GEICO he would already be history.  But much like the Yankees and Alex Rodriguez (another controversial figure with an ironclad ten-year contract) it seems GEICO and the Gecko are stuck with each other.

GEICO has tried to put its best foot forward and has held many “Jewish outreach” sessions hosted by the Gecko.

“These didn’t go to well” according to people who attended.

The Gecko came out dressed as a rabbi and said “Hello you Jews!  As you can see I’m not swarming on the ground.”  Well this almost started a riot.  The Jews started throwing things at him and calling him an anti-Semite.  We had to rush onto the stage and get the Gecko out of there before he was physically harmed.  I tell you he was quite shaken.  Another time he lost his temper and called the Jews “Stiff necked and uncircumcised” which no doubt probably didn’t help the situation at all.

Compounding matters are the Gecko’s decision to star in the next Mel Gibson movie, “Get the Semite.

“This was just stupid on his part” said a Geico representative.

The Gecko for his part defends himself.

Oh come on.  I’m just branching out.  Extending my acting chops so to speak.  This movie is a good opportunity for me.  And GEICO wants me to bow out of the production? What a bunch of stiff necked and uncircumcised people they are!  Wait.  I was misquoted.  I mean what a bunch of Micks.  Phew.  That was close.  I mean no one will care if I make fun of the Irish. F*cking drunks.

Because of the controversy the Gecko’s  public appearances will be strictly limited from now on.  According to GEICO:

We don’t want him anywhere near an open microphone.   Who knows what this a**hole will say.  I tell you we should have never hired that Limey bastard.  He’s English right? Australian?  Welsh?  Same goddamn thing.

Employees for GEICO have started calling the Gecko, “Our own Joe Biden.”

When asked to comment Vice President Biden called the Gecko “A great American.  For a cockney.”

As for the Gecko himself he is attempting to rehabilitate his image by financing a movie based on the book of Maccabees.

“Let’s see those stiff-necked and uncircumcised bastards object to that.  What? Oh the f*cking hell with with it then.”


2 Responses

  1. Geko? Wasn’t that Yasir Arafat’s middle name? Is GEICO a Palestenian company?

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