Food for your soul. And it kills Jews too!

Greetings fellow militants in the struggle against imperialism, Zionism and the Great Satan!  We hope you had a great year.  You know, being a member of Al-Qaeda is more than shootings, bombings and suicide attacks.  There are cookouts and family events too.  We like to think of ourselves as a social club.  Without Jews, of course.

In response to our question in last month’s newsletter asking what your favorite pressure cooker recipes are, many of our operatives throughout the world have sent in many tasty and easy to make food dishes.  We now present the editor’s choices.

Remember the old Al-qaeda saying:  Pressure cookers – good for fun, good for killing Jews.

Legal note:  All recipes void where prohibited by infidel law.

New England Nails and Clambake

Pour water in six quart pressure cooker.  Add bay leaf, herbs and garlic.  Season with salt, pepper and nails.  Don’t be stingy with the nails! Place thinly sliced butter over the tops of nails.    Add corn on the cob.  Close pressure cooker securely.  Shake pressure cooker to distribute nails evenly.  Drop pressure cooker in crowd.  Run.

Sweet ‘n Sour Chicken and Ball Bearings

Heat oil in pressure cooker.  Brown chicken a few pieces at a time.  Return chicken to pressure cooker.  Add celery and green pepper.  Combine pineapple juice, brown sugar, vinegar, soy sauce and ketchup.  Note:  Some recipes call for a dash of Jew blood but this is up to the individual operative, naturally.  Add ball bearings.  Cook for eight minutes.  Rotate pressure cooker to distribute ball bearings.  Drop pressure cooker in crowd.  Run.  Note:  The infidel is tricky.  Try not to drop pressure cooker in area with security cameras as this could lead to your capture.

Chili and Nails

Heat pressure cooker and brown ground meat, onion, green peppers and nails.  In this recipe Jew blood is not optional and must be added before closing pressure cooker.  To get Jew blood we suggest hanging out in areas where Jews congregate such as banks (Jews bankers!)  Close cover securely.  Cook for five minutes, rotating pressure cooker to distribute nails evenly.  Drop pressure cooker in crowd.  We suggest wearing a t shirt that says “Not Chechen terrorist” so that you blend in with the infidel.  Run.

Spare Ribs with Barbeque Sauce and Ball Bearings

This recipe points out the decadence of the infidel.  Imagine having spare ribs!  Allah has given us only the ribs we need.  But the Jew and the Great Satan have extras apparently.  This is why they will crumble before the prophet!

Season ribs with salt, pepper, paprika and ball bearings.  Pour vegetable oil and a dash of Jew blood into pressure cooker.  Close cover securely.  Cook for 15 minutes, rotating pressure cooker to distribute ball bearings.  Drop pressure cooker in crowd.  Run.  Note:  The cagey infidel might be suspicious of your backpack.  If approached by their police ask them why they are prejudiced and harassing a person of color.   Tell them that you saw a “teabagger” a block away.  The policeman will apologize and run to arrest the teabagger.

Once again we would like to thank all of our operatives for sending in their favorite pressure cooker recipes.  So let’s keep cooking and killing Jews!

In next month’s newsletter we want to know your favorite places to hideout when you are the object of a nationwide manhunt.  Boats, sewers or college campuses?  Send in your comments and recommendations.

We look forward to hearing from you!

And remember, let’s be safe out there*

*Until it is time to blow yourself up, of course.

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