Nineteen Shot During Mother’s Day Parade in New Orleans; Are Republicans to Blame?

There hasn't been this much senseless violence in New Orleans since, well, yesterday.

There hasn’t been this much senseless violence in New Orleans since, well, yesterday.

More gun violence has struck the heartland of America. Nineteen people were shot during a Mother’s Day parade in the city of New Orleans.

“It was horrible” said an eyewitness.

The brother just started firing into the crowd.  I’m a lifelong resident of New Orleans and I haven’t seen such gun violence ever!  Well, not since yesterday.  Okay, not since this morning.

Another eyewitness, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, and a free Obama phone, said that at first confusion reigned.

Everyone just started running and screaming.  At first I thought maybe they were selling some new Air Jordans because that I can understand.  But then someone told me that a brother was shooting people.  Motherf*cker!  I wanted some new Air Jordans!  Are you sure they aren’t trying to get new Air Jordans? No says the brother.  Just gunshots. Motherf*cker!  Somebody better get me some new Air Jordans or I’m going to shoot someone.  Probably my grandmother. Or my baby’s momma.

New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu has asked for calm.

These kinds of incidents are always tragic.  They will not go unanswered.  We will be very aggressive in getting to the bottom of this.  And putting the blame where it belongs:  On the Republicans.  But mostly putting the blame on the Republicans.  The only way we are going to stop this violence in our city is to come together.  And blame the Republicans.  This is a beautiful chocolate city.  What? What do you mean that line’s already been used? What?  What the hell do you mean I’m white?  No I’m not Michael Chiklis 

No I am not Michael Chiklis.  And watch Vegas, Fridays on CBS.

No I am not Michael Chiklis. And watch Vegas, Fridays on CBS.

and I’m not researching a movie role.  Oh, and watch Vegas Friday’s on CBS. What?  What the hell do you mean it’s been cancelled?  Damn.  Sarah Jones was so hot.

Because of the shooting in New Orleans the question of the root cause of gun violence is once again in the news.

We here at the worldwide headquarters opium den of Manhattan Infidel believe the root cause can be traced to the Republican party’s policy of trying to reduce the welfare state in America.

After all, the government is the only thing we all belong to.

Not only should we not be reducing government’s role in the lives of American citizens, we should be increasing it.

When I get up to go to the bathroom late at night after drinking too many big gulps and eating too many cheeseburgers and I turn on the 40-watt bulb to use my low-flush toilet I am warmed by the thought that the government cares about me and will proactively intervene in my life to correct my bad habits. Oh sure, the low-flush toilet doesn’t work and since 40-watt bulbs do not give out much light I sometimes mistakenly grab my penis instead of the plunger but that’s my fault, not the government or the benevolent policies of Barack Obama.

Anyway, what was I saying?  Oh yes.  It’s the Republicans fault.  End gun violence now!

Someone should shoot Sarah Palin or those teabaggers!

It’s for the children.

And now for your viewing pleasure some photos of Sarah Jones from the recently cancelled CBS drama, Vegas: (I blame the Republicans for cancelling it.)

Sarah Jones

Sarah Jones

More Sarah Jones

More Sarah Jones

Still more Sarah Jones

Still more Sarah Jones

More Sarah Jones

More Sarah Jones

And still more Sarah Jones

And still more Sarah Jones







2 Responses

  1. Are Republicans to blame? Don’t be silly. Republicans are the other Democratic Party. It’s those knuckle dragging conservatives who like to kill people for fun.

  2. Bob Agard says:

    Once again I thank you for being so informative. Your Sarah Jones photos set the stage for your next big satiric expose: making fun of the Rule 5 gang!

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