Browsing the blog archives for January, 2012
Faced with the reality of a changing economic situation, Satan has announced that all souls tortured for eternity will now have to purchase a Personal Seat License (PSL). Speaking from his vacation home in Long Island, Satan said, “Yeah, I didn’t want to have to do this. But economic reality is economic reality. And […]
A marijuana cigarette (aliases include “Mary Jane” “pot” and “reefer“) was arrested at a border checkpoint in West Texas today for possession of the rapper Snoop Dogg. According to the local sheriff’s office it was after a border agent pulled the marijuana cigarette’s tour bus over that a sniffer dog detected the presence of Snoop […]
Hoping to muscle in on rivals ABC and ESPN, NBC has launched its own sports network. “Just like MSNBC has become a brand name for progressive politics, the NBC Sports Network will be the home of progressive coverage for sports” said NBC Sports Chairman Mark Lazarus. “Lean forward! Well, except in yachting which could lead […]
Good evening. I’m Chris Matthews. Tonight we had our first primary in the state of New Hampshire. Why New Hampshire? Why does this state get the first primary? Simply put Republicans hate Negroes. Do I have proof of this? I’m Chris Matthews and I work for MSNBC. I am joined by MSNBC chief political correspondent […]
Recently I had the honor to sit down with the much-respected actress Ellen Barkin. We discussed her career and topics of current interest. I thank Miss Barkin for taking time out of her busy schedule to meet with me. MI: Thank you for meeting with me. It’s not often I get an actress of your […]
King Kong, the abnormally large primate, has been arrested, fined and released by the NYPD after his climb up the Empire State Building. Speaking to reporters outside the Midtown South Precinct on 35th street where he was brought for booking, Kong expressed dismay at his arrest. This whole thing was blown out of proportion. Look, […]
Popular mascot the Pillsbury Doughboy (real name Poppin’ Fresh) was slowly cooked today at 350 degrees resulting in a tasty treat. Today’s events ended the life of “Pops” as he was known to his close friends. The rise to fame and fortune of Poppin’ Fresh is one of the more remarkable stories in show business. […]
Cheetah, the chimpanzee who played alongside Johnny Weissmuller in several classic 1930s Tarzan movies has died. The Suncoast Primate Sanctuary in Palm Harbor, Florida announced that Cheetah died in his sleep at the age of 80 from “a broken heart and kidney failure. But mostly kidney failure.” “Cheetah was a very special chimpanzee” said the […]
Good evening. I’m Chris Matthews. Well tonight the race begins. After months of watching white people and the Republican party’s token negro Herman Cain debate tonight white people in Iowa attend caucuses all across the state. Why? To take part in our great Republic. But also perhaps because there are no negroes there. I am […]
Flo, popular saleswoman for Progressive Insurance has been arrested it has been learned. In what may be a law enforcement first, Flo has been charged with “violence and harrassment related to an addiction for selling insurance.” As Flo sits in a guarded and solitary cell, “We didn’t want her selling insurance to the other inmates”, victims […]