Flo Arrested!

Buy insurance and make Flo happy!Flo, popular saleswoman for Progressive Insurance has been arrested it has been learned.  In what may be a law enforcement first, Flo has been charged with “violence and harrassment related to an addiction for selling insurance.”

As Flo sits in a guarded and solitary cell, “We didn’t want her selling insurance to the other inmates”, victims of Flo’s reign of insurance terror came forward to tell their stories.

One victim tell reporters that his life has never been the same since his run-in with Flo:

My wife and I already have insurance.  One day this woman shows up at our front door and says “How’d you like a real good deal on insurance?”  I told her that I was happy with my insurance.  So she says again, “Flo can make you happy big boy.”  So again I tell her that all my needs have been satisfied.  So she says “Really?  Really?  All your needs?” and then she rips open her blouse and says “Take a look at the sisters!” and she grabs my head and buries them in her breasts.  “Feel them.  Roll around in them. Suck at the milk of Flo.”

Well then my wife comes out and says “Jerry what the hell are you doing?” and Flo says “Back off lady.  He’s my bitch now.  Once you’ve had Flo you don’t go back!”  My wife says “Jerry do you prefer her?” I didn’t have a chance to respond since my face was buried in Flo’s breasts.  But then my wife rips open her blouse and tells Flo “He prefers these!”  Well then Flo and my wife start comparing their breasts and touching each other.

I used to be happy.  Content. Now all I can think about is Flo and my wife touching each others breasts.

When asked if he bought insurance the man sheepishly said, “Yeah.  After that show I’d do anything for Flo.”

If that wasn’t bad enough Flo soon developed the FloBot You need discipline.  You shall be punished! to punish those who do not buy insurance from her.  But the FloBot soon malfunctioned and began severely beating anyone she encountered.

George Michael The Flo-Bot makes me question my sexuality of London, England tells of his run-in with the FloBot.

 I was in a mens room in Kenosha, Wisconson looking for, er, my wedding ring, when FloBot storms in.  She grabs me by my throat and starts squeezing.  I haven’t been so frightened by anything so obviously nonhuman since I met Nikki Sixx.   Barely human

When asked how he escaped the FloBot Michael said, “Escape?  I like it rough!”

As for Flo herself, in a statement released through her attorney, denied all charges and said, “I just want to sell insurance.”

FloBot is still on the run.  Anyone who sees her is advised to steer clear and notify authorities.

George Michael is still searching mens rooms throughout the U.S. for his wedding ring.


7 Responses

  1. Nikki Sixx hasn’t been human since at least 1985.

    No human could snort that much coke and live.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: Nikki is indeed not human. Unlike Flo’s breasts.

  3. innominatus says:

    My insurance company screws me, too. But not quite in the same way…

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: Only Flo knows the proper way to screw a customer.

  5. Matt says:

    Had I only known before, I could have had her compare plans for me.

  6. MK says:

    Believe it or not, i’ve started seeing the ads on TV for progressive insurance.

    If what you say is true, i ain’t phoning in to buy insurance, no way! i’m definitely waiting for Flo to arrive at the door.

  7. Manhattan Infidel says:

    MK: Let Flo take care of you.

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