Cheetah Dead at 80

Cheetah is dead!Cheetah, the chimpanzee who played alongside Johnny Weissmuller in several classic 1930s Tarzan movies has died.

The Suncoast Primate Sanctuary in Palm Harbor, Florida announced that Cheetah died in his sleep at the age of 80 from “a broken heart and kidney failure.  But mostly kidney failure.”

“Cheetah was a very special chimpanzee” said the director of the Sanctuary.  “We all loved him.  He liked children, finger painting, watching football and flinging poo at people.  But mostly flinging poo at people.

Cheetah was a fixture for decades at the sanctuary, retiring there in 1960 when his acting roles began to dry up.  Cheetah had many famous visitors over the years who came to view his finger painting and have poo flung at them.  But mostly to have poo flung at them.

Usually the people were tolerant of Cheetah’s poo-flinging.  After all, we all believe in multiculturalism and that was just a part of Cheetah’s rich cultural heritage.  But I remember one time President Nixon came to visit and Cheetah flung poo at him.  Nixon got very upset and said “No one makes a monkey out of Dick Nixon” and then he crapped in his hand and flung some poo back at Cheetah.  Let me tell you Nixon had a good arm.  Hit Cheetah right in the face!  After that incident Cheetah changed his party affiliation to the Democrats.  He never voted Republican again.

During his prime Cheetah was voted Hollywood’s most beloved primate, beating out George Raft George Raft -not Hollywood’s most popular primate three years in a row.

After his days as playing Tarzan’s chimpanzee ended Cheetah found it difficult to get work in Hollywood.

“He was typecast as a chimpanzee.  This was a blow to his pride.  As an actor he was so much more.”

Cheetah finally parted company with Hollywood shortly after losing out for the title role in “Life of Riley” to William Bendix.  According to a Hollywood historian, the producers felt that Cheetah brought a different emphasis to the role than they wanted.  That and they were tired of having poo flung at them.

Cheetah then tried his hand at Rock and Roll but his one single, “Flinging Poo at You” failed to chart.

A spokesman at the Primate Sanctuary where Cheetah died has asked his fans to spend a “few moments of silence remembering the joy Cheetah brought to people. And if possible if you could fling some poo in his memory that would be great.”


4 Responses

  1. In the memory of Cheetah and his numerous contributions to the art of acting like a chimp on film, I will fling poo at a DNC billboard today.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: God bless you. All I can say is, “For those about to fling poo I salute you!”

  3. innominatus says:

    When my dad was a little kid, he got swimming lessons from Johnny Weissmuller. I know that little factoid is incredibly un-interesting, but, coming from me that should not be too surprising.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: You have a six degrees of kevin bacon thing going on with Johnny.

    but we all know that Carol Burnett was the best Tarzan evah!

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