Hoping to muscle in on rivals ABC and ESPN, NBC has launched its own sports network.

“Just like MSNBC has become a brand name for progressive politics, the NBC Sports Network will be the home of progressive coverage for sports” said NBC Sports Chairman Mark Lazarus. “Lean forward!  Well, except in yachting which could lead to drowning.”

The first event shown on the NBC sports network was a hockey game between the New York Rangers and St. Louis Blues.  In that game Ranger goalie Henrik Lundqvist blocked a shot on goal by Right Wing Ryan Reaves, coincidentally one of the few African-Americans in the sport.  Afterwards, true to the progressive bent of the new network Lundqvist was interviewed by Bob Costas.

Bob Costas:  Henrik, first off great game tonight.

Henrik Lundqvist:  Thank you.  

Bob Costas:  Why did you block Reaves shot?

Henrik Lundqvist:  That’s my job.  I’m a goalie.

Bob Costas: But Reaves is an African American.  Do you think you had the right to block his shot?  What about his civil rights?  Are you a segregationist?

Henrik Lundqvist:  What?

Bob Costas:  Are you a tea bagger?  A racist?  Ever lynch a black man?

Henrik Lundqvist:  What the hell are you talking about?

Bob Costas:  Henrik thank you for your time.  I’ll let you get back to your Klan meeting.  Well there you have it America.  Definitive proof of racism in the NHL.

The Sports Network plans on carrying a heavy quota of NBA games.

“Nowhere does the spirit of progressiveness stand out more than the predominantly African-American NBA” said Lazarus.

Speaking at the introductory press conference, Dick Vitale announced how happy he was to be broadcasting the games.

“Black people baby.   Oh yeah!  Black people are in the house baby!”

NBC hopes to showcase progressive traditions by introducing new rules to games it televises.

Scores will not be kept.  We believe that these so-called final scores are arbitrary and do nothing to make people feel good about themselves.  Also, those who have more talent will be restricted in their playing time.  It just isn’t fair that they should have better stats.

And as the cornerstone of the new progressive network, NBC has announced that it is forming its own professional sports league whose games will be shown exclusively on the network.

Starting in Spring the games of the Jewish Lesbian Transgendered Women of Color Softball League will be aired on Prime Time.

“It’s got everything.  Softball.  Jews.  Transsexuals.  Jewish Transsexuals.  Jewish black transsexuals.  Jewish black lesbian transsexuals!” declared an ecstatic Lazarus.

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