Browsing the blog archives for July, 2010
Last year in the United States approximately 3,000 people were abducted and probed by aliens, making it the third leading cause of unwanted probing behind only Star Trek conventions and the Jonas Brothers tour. As part of my award-winning series of useful information for my readers I now provide you with handy tips to avoid […]
The woman in the nursing home held a baby seal in her lap. The seal would open her eyes, blink and coo when talked to. Only the seal was not real. It was robotic. A young man held his date’s hand and whispered into her ear. Only she was not real. She was robotic. These […]
Dateline Heaven: George Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees died at 6:30 EST. Arriving in Heaven, Steinbrenner immediately fired God. “Yankee fans deserve a winner. They demand a winner. And Heaven isn’t winning” said Steinbrenner. God was informed of his firing when he showed up for work this morning. “He could have told me […]
Stunned by his outcast status in Hollywood, former box office champ Mel Gibson has launched a campaign to rehabilitate his image. Gibson’s first priority: finding a 13-year old girl to sodomize. “I have seen the outpouring of support for Roman Polanski in Hollywood” said Gibson. “And if it worked for Polanski then I’m willing to […]
Popular Hollywood celebrity Porky Pig has been arrested while driving on the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, California. Shortly after 2:30 am PST police stopped Mr. Pig in his Lexus LS 430 for driving 87 miles an hour in a 45 mph zone. Police noticed an open bottle of Cazadores Tequila which was half empty […]
I get many emails from people asking me my opinions on life. They write me “Please, Manhattan Infidel, give us advice. We trust you” or “Manhattan Infidel you have all the answers” or still yet “Manhattan Infidel, what part of restraining order don’t you understand?” Having already given advice on dating, marriage and fatherhood, I […]
NASA, the government organization that landed Americans on the moon has a new mission. NASA administrator Charles Bolden announced that the agency will now seek to “improve the self-esteem of Muslims, to reach out to the Muslim world and make them feel good about themselves.” The new program, dubbed “Ottoman Empire” is set to have […]
Rodolfo Torre, a leading Mexican gubernatorial candidate on a state bordering the U.S. was assassinated by drug cartels angry over Arizona’s racist immigration policies. Torre, who was seen as the overwhelming favorite to be elected governor in Tamaulipas was shot to death along with his chief of staff and a bodyguard. This marks Mexico’s highest […]
Responding to numerous complaints, the makers of the Vic Morrow bobble head doll, part of the “Legends of Hollywood” series, have announced a recall of the product. “I’ve always been a fan of Vic Morrow, going back to his days on the Combat TV show” said one customer. “So I bought a Vic Morrow bobble […]
Ever since the movie Field of Dreams came out in the late ’80s, farmers across the United States have been plowing under their corn to build baseball diamonds. Unfortunately, unlike in the movie their efforts have met with mixed results. “I was hoping to make money off of the baseball field like the guy in […]