Porky Pig Arrested for DWI

Porky the Pig’s mug shotPopular Hollywood celebrity Porky Pig has been arrested while driving on the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, California.

Shortly after 2:30 am PST police stopped Mr. Pig in his Lexus LS 430 for driving 87 miles an hour in a 45 mph zone.  Police noticed an open bottle of Cazadores Tequila which was half empty and immediately gave him a breathalyzer test which found his blood alcohol level to be .12.  Pig was then placed under arrest.

It was at this point that Pig became belligerent and began to experience mood swings.  While handcuffed in the car Pig made anti-Semitic remarks to the arresting officer, who was Jewish.

“Are y-y-you a j-j-j-j-Jew?” Pig reportedly asked the arresting officer before telling him that “j-j-j-j-Jews are r-r-r-responsible for a-a-a-all the w-w-w-wars in the w-w-w-world.”

At the police station where he was brought he allegedly became verbally abusive to a female officer, screaming “W-w-w-w-what are y-y-y-y-you looking at s-s-s-s-sugar t-t-t-tits?”

Pig was then tasered by officers and placed in a holding cell.

Pig has released a statement through his publicist that says in part:

After drinking alcohol last night, I did a number of things that were very wrong and for which I am ashamed. I drove a car when I should not have, and was stopped by the L.A. County sheriffs.  I feel fortunate that I was apprehended before I caused injury to any other person or cartoon character. I acted like a cartoon character completely out of control when I was arrested, and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said and I apologize to anyone who I have offended.  My lifelong battle with alcoholism is a source of profound shame to me. Indeed it is the greatest shame of my life.  Well, that and the fact that I never wear pants and have no genitalia.

Pig also announced that he is entering the Betty Ford Clinic in an attempt to end his dependency on alcohol.  He also said he hopes that the structured routine of rehab will help him “grow a pair.”

The Ant-Defamation League issued a statement calling Pig’s apology “insufficient.”  They also called Pig “ritually impure pork.”

A spokesman for The Society for Jewish-Pork Harmony hopes that Pig’s arrest will not “undo the good work we have done bridging the historical divide between the Jewish and Pork communities.”


4 Responses

  1. KingShamus says:

    I heard a rumor Porky Pig has always hated Daffy Duck because he’s black.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    He’s afraid Daffy might rape his baby momma.

  3. Matt says:

    Funny that Porky would hate one of the few groups that wouldn’t eat him. I wonder if he’s converted to Islam (they hate Jews, and wouldn’t eat him either)?

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Valid point Matt. Why would Porky hate the one group that wouldn’t eat him? I’m inclined (and in the interests of full disclosure I have to say that I’ve never met Porky) to believe he is just confused and filled with self-loathing.

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