Stunned by his outcast status in Hollywood, former box office champ Mel Gibson has launched a campaign to rehabilitate his image. Gibson’s first priority:  finding a 13-year old girl to sodomize.

“I have seen the outpouring of support for Roman Polanski in Hollywood” said Gibson.  “And if it worked for Polanski then I’m willing to give it a try.” 

Accordingly Gibson has placed an ad on Craigslist looking for a 13-year old girl “into candy, fun times and anal sex.” The ad asks that any girl who is interested to contact Gibson directly as he no longer has an agent.  Also, anyone who responds “must not dress slutty as I don’t want you to get f#$%#d by n$**@$s.”

Throughout Hollywood reaction to Gibson’s decision has been positive.

WME, which had dropped Gibson as a client last week said through a spokesman:

Gibson’s announcement, if true, is an important first step towards rehabilitating his image and we welcome him back into the Hollywood mainstream.  However, we will not represent him again until we have proof that he has actually sodomized a 13-year old.  Only then will we feel comfortable having him as a client.  Only then will he be able to hold his head high in Hollywood again.

Michael Moore wrote in a similar vein:

This is just the beginning.  Gibson still has much to do to gain the respect of his Hollywood colleagues.  While I welcome his decision to sodomize a 13-year old it would help if he would also issue a statement calling American troops fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan “killers.” If he would compare al qaeda to the Minutemen who fought in our so-called revolution he would gain much good will.

Bill Maher wrote that “doing a 13-year old is just a publicity stunt.  If Gibson is serious about being welcome in Hollywood again let him renounce Christianity.”

Sheryl Crow expressed concern that Gibson has not done enough to fight global warming.  “He had lots of children with his ex-wife.  How much toilet paper does his family use?”

Anticipating criticism that he has not done enough to be welcomed back into Hollywood, Gibson has stated that once he is finished with the 13-year old, “whomever she may be”, he intends to fly to South America to have his picture taken with Hugo Chavez and “if possible, be blessed by that saintly man.”

Meanwhile, director Oliver Stone has released a video purporting to show Gibson on the phone berating his Russian ex-girlfriend.

“If you notice, Gibson’s head moves back and to the left.  Back and to the left.  Back and to the left. There is more here than meets the eye!”

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