Steinbrenner Fires God

Steinbrenner gives the thumbs up after firing God

Dateline Heaven:

George Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees died at 6:30 EST.  Arriving in Heaven, Steinbrenner immediately fired God.

“Yankee fans deserve a winner. They demand a winner.  And Heaven isn’t winning” said Steinbrenner.

God was informed of his firing when he showed up for work this morning.

“He could have told me himself.  I didn’t have to find out this way.”  God then defended his tenure as Manager of Heaven.

“Look have I made mistakes?  Yes.  Could I have done better?  Yes.  But a lot is out of my hands.  We need a better GM. He’s having people die that I don’t think will help the team.

Steinbrenner also hired local gamblers to dig up dirt on God.

“I want to make sure that loser son of a bitch never manages Heaven again.”

Speculation is rife as to who will replace God as manager.  Long time Yankee manager Billy Martin is considered the most likely to get the job but before that happens certain logistical difficulties have to be resolved.

“What do you mean Billy’s in Hell?  Well tell him to get his ass up here now.  If he’s not here in 10 minutes I’m firing him.”

When informed that there are laws preventing anyone from Hell going to Heaven Steinbrenner threw his hands up in the air in disgust.

“Don’t tell me I’m going to have to hire Gene Mauch?  When’s Buck Showalter due to die?  Will someone shoot him and get his ass up here now!”

As for God, rumor has it that he will be hired to manage the Baltimore Orioles.

“They have some good pitching prospects the Orioles do” said God.  “What?  What’s everyone laughing at? No seriously.  I think I can get them to .500  next year.  It all depends on who they hire to be the GM.”

****** Breaking News ******

Former Yankee, Arizona Diamondback and Texas Ranger manager Buck Showalter has been shot to death.

****** Breaking News ******



5 Responses

  1. KingShamus says:

    The Boss was a tough SOB, a hammerhead and a royal pain in the ass.

    He was also entirely focused on winning and making the Yankees a great sports franchise. That’s better than you can say for a lot of owners out there.

    RIP Steinbrenner.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Most of the owners couldn’t care about winning. Only about getting the money.

  3. Matt says:

    That is hilarious. Of course, Billy Martin better get used to going to heaven…back to hell…to heaven…back to hell, and so on.

    BTW, Dude, you’d better hope God has a sense of humor.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: I already spoke to God. He fired me.

  5. Matt says:

    I’ll send asbestos boxers.

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