Browsing the blog archives for July, 2009
From the Gospel according to St. Latoya: And on the first day of the week, Janet cometh early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulchre; and she saw the stone taken away from the sepulchre. She ran therefore, and cometh to Jackie, and to the other whom The Michael loved and saith unto them: […]
The maker of the Wonder Boxer, patterned after the Wonder Bra, has filed for bankruptcy and conceded that his product has “inherent design flaws.” Danny Williams, whose other products include solar-powered night vision glasses, “I thought the military might be interested but they weren’t“, snap-on toupees, “the cumbersome anti-bleeding kit it came with ruined it” […]
Amid tight security and unprecedented press coverage, the murder trial of former Slate Rock and Gravel employee and Bedrock citizen Fred Flintstone has begun. From his jail cell Flintstone was awakened at 6 AM. After a shave and a shower and a quick meeting with his lawyers Flintstone was driven the 2 miles to the […]
For immediate release. From the offices of Anderson Pharmaceuticals, makers of miracle drugs and wonder bras: LeFloZyte, the latest drug designed to make the life of man easier and happier has, after much anticipation, hit the shelves. Having trouble with desire or performance? Are you going and going and going? Penis too small? Instead of […]
The Mattel toy company announced a new line of Barbie Dolls which it hopes will revitalize the line and take it well into the 21st Century. Robert A. Eckert, Chairman of the Board and Chief Executive Officer of Mattel Inc., announced the new line today during a press conference. “We value the important contribution Barbie […]
Today the entertainment community was shocked when everyone in the entertainment community died. Reeling from the recent losses of Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays and Karl Malden the industry was unprepared for the mass death that hit the town. “I’ve never seen anything like it” said one producer just before he died. “People are […]
In a sign of a thaw in U.S.-Iranian relations, Iranian President Mahmoud Admadinejad made a guest appearance on the popular show “The Dating Game.” Wearing his trademark tan windbreaker Admadinejad appeared as bachelor no. 2, between bachelor no. 1 (North Korean Dear Leader Kim Jong-il) and bachelor no. 3 (a 47-year old help desk technician […]
A new study conducted under the auspices of NYU has found that an overwhelming majority of married men if forced to choose between listening to talk radio and spending quality time with their wives would choose talk radio. The study involved 35 married men between the ages of 24 ad 59. Subjects were placed in […]
ESPN has announced that it will cover the Michael Jackson Memorial live on ESPN and ESPN2. George Bodenheimer, President of ESPN Networks announced today that they will be covering it live. “We were reluctant at first. But you have to admit, the man was a great ball handler!’ (152)
The anabolic steroid community was rocked today when it was learned that a popular steroid had trace amounts of Alex Rodriguez in his system. The headquarters of the Anabolic Steroid League on Park Avenue released a statement that said in part, “We are of course deeply shocked and saddened that one of our steroids has […]