Anabolic Steroid Tests Positive for Alex Rodriguez

A shamed steroidThe anabolic steroid community was rocked today when it was learned that a popular steroid had trace amounts of Alex Rodriguez in his system.

The headquarters of the Anabolic Steroid League on Park Avenue released a statement that said in part, “We are of course deeply shocked and saddened that one of our steroids has tested positive.   The steroid in question has been suspended for 50 days.  We pledge to work with authorities to clean up the steroid community so that this does not happen again.”

“We realize that many of our fans are disillusioned by the repeated drug scandals in our industry.  While we regret the circumstances we take the opportunity to point out that our drug testing policy is the most rigorous in the nation.”

When informed of his 50-day suspension, the steroid in question, commonly known as “gonadal testicle extract 57” asked his fans to forgive him.

“I will serve out my suspension.  I am sorry for having anything to do with baseball as I now realize that it taints my accomplishments forever.”

However, there are signs of discontent with other steroids.  One steroid who spoke on condition of anonymity said “We are all on baseball.  I’m just trying to get an edge.  I have to compete with younger steroids out there.”

Another steroid claimed “Most of us are on baseball.  They (the Steroid League) does not want to admit the obvious.  And what’s wrong with baseball?  It’s made me a better steroid.  The fans like the result.”

Still a third had this to say:  “If I wasn’t doing baseball I’d be doing cycling.  And who the hell wants to go to France?  They got Frenchmen there!”

Today’s development is only the latest scandal involving the use of performance enhancing drugs.  The 2008 Spelling Bee Champion Mayee Zhu had her award taken away from her when it was revealed that she was Chinese.  “Everyone knows the Chinese are smarter.  This gave her an unfair advantage.”

The 2008 Chess Championship was rocked when the challenger, Vladimir Kramnik of Russia tested positive for Vladimir Putin.  “The use of Putin could potentially frighten an opponent as they would most likely be shot if they won.”

Congress will investigate the use of performance enhancing drugs this fall and has already subpoenaed Britney Spears and will question her about her use of performance enhancing lip synching.


Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>