Study Finds Majority of Married Men Would Rather Listen to Talk Radio Than Spend Time With Wife

Talk radio God and destroyer of marriages Mike FrancesaA new study conducted under the auspices of NYU has found that an overwhelming majority of married men if forced to choose between listening to talk radio and spending quality time with their wives would choose talk radio.

The study involved 35 married men between the ages of 24 ad 59.  Subjects were placed in front of two doors.  Behind one door would be a live stream of Mike Francesa’s sports talk show.  Behind the other door would be their spouse. They would be asked to open one door.

“At first we found that if they opened the door that had their wife they seemed disappointed and would mutter ‘crap’ or similar sentiments.  We also found that if they opened the door leading to the live stream they grew excited, would smile and express feelings of contentment.”

“We decided to see what would happen if we told the men which door their wife was behind.  Invariably they chose the other door.  So we decided to lie.  We told the men that one door would lead to talk radio.  They opened it only to find their wives.  They would scream at us ‘traitors’ and ‘lying pieces of shit.’  One man who thought he was going to listen to Francesa but instead got his wife collapsed in tears as she told him that they were first going shopping and then watch the Sex in the City DVD.  To this day he’s still in a deep coma.”

As the tests progressed researchers found increasingly bizarre reactions from the subjects.

“We weren’t sure whether our initial results were pro talk radio or anti marriage so we removed the talk radio stream and placed objects behind the door that would harm and/or kill the men.  We told them this.  They still chose that door instead of the one with their wife behind it.  One man opened the door and out flew vultures who pecked his eyes out.  As they were doing this he said ‘At least it ain’t my wife.’ ”

This lead to a whole new hypothesis regarding marriage.

“We discovered that marriage is the 3rd leading cause of insanity in adult males, behind only rooting for the Mets and playing golf at Bethpage Black.”

The finding was forwarded to the New York State Legislature which commenced hearings and reported out The Act to Make Marriage Safe, Legal and Rare bill, which includes provisions for 6 weeks vacation a year away from a spouse as well as free Demerol for those men whose sanity has been shredded by marriage.


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