Maker of “Wonder Boxers” Concedes Design Flaws

The Miracle BoxerThe maker of the Wonder Boxer, patterned after the Wonder Bra, has filed for bankruptcy and conceded that his product  has “inherent design flaws.”

Danny Williams, whose other products include solar-powered night vision glasses,  “I thought the military might be interested but they weren’t“, snap-on toupees, “the cumbersome anti-bleeding kit it came with ruined it” and an electronic self-enema machine, “I had high hopes for that but in the end there were too many sparks” announced today he is suspending production and will declare bankruptcy as he prepares for the many lawsuits his product has brought on.

A self-educated inventor, Mr. Williams says that he only wants to make life better for people. “I started seeing all these commercials for the ‘Wonder Bra.’  My wife wears one and she says having her breasts lifted and separated makes her look younger and gives her more confidence.  I figured, well, if it works for women, why not for men?”

Acting on a hunch he barricaded himself in his workshop over one weekend and came up with the prototype wonder boxer.

“It was a little uncomfortable at first. But hey, it was lifting and separating my testicles.  I did feel younger.  I walked around the neighborhood seeing if anyone would notice my firm young ball sack.  I got many compliments.  People asked me if I had gotten a face lift or anything.  I would just point to my crotch.  I then went back to my house convinced I had hit upon an idea that would make me millions.  And then I passed out from the pain.”

Not to be discouraged Mr. Williams soon struck a deal with The New York Mets.  Soon all Mets were wearing Wonder Boxers underneath their uniform.  At first it seemed like a mutually beneficial arrangement.  But then, Mets started dropping like flies. Carlos Beltran was carted off the field holding his midsection and crying “My testicles… God I can feel one…where the hell is the other one?  My God my testicles have been lifted and separated!” The design flaws of the Wonder Boxer were evident.

“It never occurred to me that having one’s testicles lifted and separated might be a bad thing.  I guess it was.”

At the Center for Testicular Rehabilitation doctors are working on many casualties of the Wonder Boxer.  Patients are lowered into a tub, the bottom of which is shaped to resemble a normal “man sack.”  They then spend an intensive 3-week therapy session in the tub.

“It is hoped that this will rejoin a man’s testicles and enable him to lead a normal life” said one doctor.

As for Danny Williams, despite being broke and the subject of numerous lawsuits, he is not discouraged.

“I’m already at work on my next invention which I call ‘The Guano Moisturizer.’  Imagine being covered head to toe in guano!  Who wouldn’t want that?  Guano has many nutrients.  I think it’ll be a huge success.”


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