Amid tight security and unprecedented press coverage, the murder trial of former Slate Rock and Gravel employee and Bedrock citizen Fred Flintstone has begun.

From his jail cell Flintstone was awakened at 6 AM.  After a shave and a shower and a quick meeting with his lawyers Flintstone was driven the 2 miles to the courthouse in an unmarked police car.  Arriving at the courthouse and dressed in a new blue suit Flintstone emerged from the car and waved to hundreds of his young, female cro-magnon supporters.

“We love you Fred” and “Fred is innocent” as well as a few “Have my baby Fred” signs were held aloft by the crowd.  Flintstone acknowledged the cheers and against the advice of his lawyers approached the crowds to shake hands.

“It was like he was a rock star” said one reporter.  “Everyone went crazy.  People were trying to rip off his clothes or cut off snippits of his hair  I just don’t understand it.”

Inside the courtroom the presiding Judge, Harold Myer called the trial to order.   “The People of Bedrock vs. Fred Flintstone in the murder of Barney and Betty Rubble is now in session” said the bailiff.

Flintstone appeared confident if not cocky, leaning back in his chair and appearing uninterested in the proceedings.   The prosecuter began his opening statement.

“We will proceed to show that the defendant, Fred Flintstone, on the night of April 16th committed the murders of Barney and Betty Rubble, a happily married and respectable cro-magnon couple.  He not only murdered them he planned it out in advance, stalking them for weeks.  On the night in question he parked outside their home with a shotgun on his lap, calmly walked into their home and began shooting, killing the Rubbles and seriously wounding his ex-wife Wilma Flintstone Slaghoople”

At the mention of her name, Wilma Flintstone wept in her wheelchair. “Because of that bastard I’m in this chair.  Because of him I’ll never again know the pleasuring touch of another female.”

The judge ordered the courtroom cleared, except for Wilma Flintstone.  “It’s important that I hear more about the pleasuring touch of another female” he said before retiring to his quarters with her.

After a half-hour’s delay he emerged from his quarters looking slightly flushed and thanked Flintstone for volunteering the information in such explicit detail.

It was now the defense team’s turn.  “We will show that the defendant, a good decent loyal hard working provider was brought to the edge of insanity by the infidelities of his wife. We will further show that she taunted our client by moving in next door to him and beginning an affair with his best friend Barney Rubble and his wife!”

At the mention of the threesome the courtroom again erupted with gasps, cries and several shouts of “Way to go Barney!”   The courtroom was cleared for a second time and the defense was allowed to finish with their opening statement.

After the statement was finished the trial adjourned for the day.  Fred Flintstone left the courtroom and waved to the crowd.  He seemed to be enjoying his new celebrity, teasing the bystanders and saying “Don’t worry honies.  I’ll be found innocent and then you can all have me.”

The trial is set to resume next week.

(To be continued)

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