Everyone in Hollywood Dies

Hollywood - home to many dead peopleToday the entertainment community was shocked when everyone in the entertainment community died.  Reeling from the recent losses of Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays and Karl Malden the industry was unprepared for the mass death that hit the town.

“I’ve never seen anything like it” said one producer just before he died.  “People are dying faster than in a Sam Peckinpah movie.”

The carnage started at 9 AM when the entire cast of CSI: Miami died.  “I had just handed Mr. Caruso his script when he keeled over.  Then the rest of the cast died right after that” said one production assistant.

By Noon half the shows in production ground to a halt as dead producers, dead writers, dead directors and dead stars littered the sets.  Panic spread to the as of yet undead in Hollywood.  As word got out that all undead should leave Hollywood by any means possible actors were seen fighting in the streets with zombies who thought the undead notice applied to them.

By 2 PM Hollywood’s most popular restaurants, where producers used to hold power lunches and seal multimillion dollar deals were empty except for an occasional goat that wandered in from the now deserted streets.

“The goats were nice” said one waiter.  “They tipped better than the producers and didn’t leave as much of a mess in the bathroom.”

By 5 PM everyone involved in the entertainment industry was dead.  The Mayor of Los Angeles lamented the loss.  “Obviously this is going to adversely affect our economy.  Already the catering and prostitution industries have been devastated.”

The one bright spot was the nightly news casts for the major networks who all announced 4 hour specials to run that night.  “Hollywood:  The Death of Legends, Superstars and the Second Guy to Play Lionel Jefferson on ‘The Jeffersons’  – no not the one who originated the Role on All in the Family but the Other Guy” was the title of one such special.

Speculation was rife as to the cause of all the deaths in Hollywood.  From Tennessee Al Gore blamed global warming.  Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper said “Perhaps if the United States had universal health care this wouldn’t have happened, eh?”

From his home in Bel Air, God held a press conference to explain his mass smiting.

“Hey, I was having a bad day.  Haven’t you ever had a bad day at work?  Besides, I just couldn’t sit through another Pink Panther remake.”


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