Meth? Seriously? Son only use cash or american express.

As the entire civilized world (which obviously excludes Detroit) now know, the Democratic mayor of Fairfax Virginia was arrested after trying to use meth to arrange a threesome.

And how do I know he’s a Democrat?  Certainly not from relying on the news stories from the MSM, which conveniently omitted this fact.  (To protect and defend the Democratic Party is the official MSM motto.) If he had been a Republican it would have been a different story of course:

“Republican mayor arrested for trying to arrange threesome……….”

“More bad news for Donald Trump as Republican ally arrested………”

“Can Donald Trump’s campaign survive the latest Republican scandal…….”

“Trump remains silent on Republican meth for cash.  What is he hiding…….”

Regardless of the mayor’s political affiliation we at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ (pictured here)

The Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ (opium at no extra charge for paid members)

sprang into action, fueled by a sense of outrage.

Meth?  For a threesome? What has this country come to? What is wrong with the younger generation.  Why I remember in my days as a war correspondent in Camden stuck behind the lines occasionally having threesomes but no meth was exchanged. (Hey, times were tense. Things happened.)

Meth is an unacceptable medium of exchange for threesomes. We only have a finite supply of meth in this country and we need it for important things, like keeping the ladies from “The View” supplied.

Here are the only acceptable mediums of exchange for threesomes (all personally vouched for Manhattan Infidel himself):

1.  Cash
2. American Express 
3. Pop Tarts (I find that frosted cherry flavor will bring in the most threesomes)
4. The entire David Hasselhoff CD collection (his version of “Hooked on a Feeling” is surprisingly good. Go to youtube and watch it)
5. Rare comic books (sorry, I meant graphic novels)
6. Not so rare comic books (graphic novels)
7. Not so rare comic books (graphic novels) stolen from a crying eight year old
8. Anything stolen from a crying eight year old
9. A crying eight year old
10. An owner’s manual for a 1973 Chevy Vega
11. An autographed picture of Pete Best (in the Pete Best Combo, not the Beatles)
12. An owner’s manual for a 1974 Volkswagen Dasher
13. A DVD copy of the Star Wars Christmas special
14. Any computer still running the OS2 operating system
15. Dick Vitale
16. Hillary Clinton’s private email server
17. Forrest Whitaker (Forrest Tucker used to be acceptable but he’s dead)
18. Keith Richards’ internal organs (in good condition)
19. Keith Richards (in good condition)
20. Keith Richards (in bad condition)
21. Keith Richards dead (and in good condition)
22. Joe Biden’s hair plugs

So you see, there is no reason to waste our valuable and finite supply of meth on a threesome where there are so may other options available.

Look. Learn. Listen. Enjoy your threesome and let’s be careful out there.

(12)

The weather has never changed before in the entire history of our planet!

I care about my readers. I really do. And not just the ones I’ve exchanged nude photos with. So following up on yesterday’s quiz I now present the official Manhattan Infidel Climate Change Quiz. Happy quizzing.

What is climate?

• The amount of rain or snow that falls
• The weather of a place averaged over a long period of time.
• The condition of the air
• Earth’s most precious resource that has been destroyed by mankind and his insatiable need to drive big cars, travel in planes and use air conditioning

True of false?  Climate takes hundreds, thousands or even millions of years to change

• True (You must be a Republican)
• So very true (A Republican and  a science denier)
• False
• So very false (Our climate has drastically changed in the past decade alone. It is your fault. Thank god the EPA has banned wood burning stoves you rube)

Climate differs in regions of the world that receive different amounts of _________

• Tornadoes
• Sunlight
• Water
• White people (Wherever white people go they destroy the environment. Beware the white man, for he is the Devil’s pawn. Alone among God’s primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother’s land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death.)

The United States releases more __________ than any other country

• Nitrogen
• Oxygen
• Weather
• Carbon Dioxide (Again, the blame falls squarely on the racist United States and the so-called advanced lifestyle of the industrialized inhabitants. I mean would it really be that bad if we lived according to the technology of the 18th century? People are so selfish)

True of false?  The Earth is getting warming because people are adding heat-trapping gases to the atmosphere

• False (If you answered false then you make me sick. You are stupid.)
• True (Yes, but why?)
• So obviously true (You are learning comrade)
• I mean come on! Science has proven that global warming exists. The climate has never changed in millions of years but now it is. We need to lock science deniers up in prison.

How is the Earth getting warmer?

• The summers are getting longer
• The sun is getting bigger
• The Earth is moving towards the sun
• Duh. By burning fossil fuels. Why can’t we just build more wind farms? We can build special trucks that run on wind that will transport wind energy around the country. Imagine a world where your TV, your car and your electricity are all powered by safe, renewable, non-polluting wind. Who would not want that? Besides Republicans that is.

What do warmer temperatures cause?

• Melting glaciers
• Stronger storms
• White policeman killing black men
• All of the above

People can help stop climate change. How can people make a difference?

• Use less energy
• Limit their water usage
• Use high speed rail instead of private transportation
• Commit mass suicide. Seriously people haven’t you heard a word I’ve said? The only way to totally stop climate change is to eliminate human beings from the Earth. Fortunately the EPA is working on that as we speak thanks to a generous grant of powers from the Senate and House of Representatives

Well I hope you enjoyed this easy, scientifically accurate and politically unbiased test. I’ll see you at the outhouse climate denier (I have thrown out my flush toilet to do my part to stop climate change).

(34)

History! White people are the devil!

People read Manhattan Infidel for many reasons.  Some for the satire. Some because their favorite Asian lesbian porn site is blocked by their employer’s firewall and my blog is sloppy seconds.  Some read it because they were told they could buy drugs on this site (Note:  I am still working on that plugin.  Be patient. I have some technical hurdles and legal issues to deal with.)

But for those wanting information. Real information. True information I now give you a quiz on United States history. All answers on this test have been verified as progressive and truthy.

Where was Martin Luther King born?

• Washington, D.C.
• Boston, Massachusetts
• Denver Colorado
• What difference does it make?  No matter where he was born the white man would have oppressed him

The temperance movement tried to

• Reduce the use of alcoholic beverages
• Ban the use of alcoholic beverages
• Radically transform America…..
• ….And it would have worked but a racist and puritanical America refused to switch from alcohol (a white man’s drug) to marijuana (favored by peoples of color)

What is the fastest growing ethnic group in the United States today?

• Hispanics
• Latinos
• Hispanics and Latinos
• The white man’s time is up!

After a fight broke out between townspeople and soldiers, several confused soldiers fired into a crowd and killed five colonists. What can we learn from the Boston Massacre?

• Human nature is fallen
• Conflict is part of history
• Even in the 18th century police were shooting innocent civilians
• #blacklivesmatter

Which Japanese city was the first atomic bomb dropped on?

• Nagasaki
• Tokyo
• Hiroshima
• Would the racist United States have dropped the bomb on Germany? I doubt it. You see the U.S. wants to kill peoples of color

What was the main factor in creating the Dust bowl?

• Drought
• Land misuse
• Capitalism
• Global warming – but the Republican president at the time, Herbert Hoover, refused to believe in the settled science of climate change

Colonial legislatures gave only white men who owned property the right to vote, excluding womyn, slaves, homeless, indentureed servants and the poor

• False
• True
• So very very true
• Isn’t this typical of the white man? Even today they want to disenfranchise peoples of color by asking for I.D. at polling stations. Peoples of color don’t have no damn I.D.!

At what location did Lee surrender to Grant?

• Jamestown
• Gettysburg
• Appomattox Courthouse
• Who cares? One white oppressor pig surrendering to another white oppressor pig. Move along. Nothing to see

Because general Thomas Jackson stood his ground at the First Battle of Bull Run his troops nicknamed him

• Steadfast
• Steadyman
• Immobile
• Stonewall – because he was gay

Name the shelter used by several families by some native Americans

• Igloo
• Tepee (though Tepee is a racist term)
• Longhouse
• It takes a village to raise a child.  The nuclear family exists only among white men of northern European origin

The Bill of Rights was added to the U.S. Constitution to

• Give more power to the Federal government
• protect animal rights
• Give certain rights to individuals. Rights that are outdated
• Ensure that the white male of northern European origin can continue owning guns but the founding fathers never dreamed of automatic weapons so President Obama should issue an executive order abolishing the second amendment

What was Henry Ford most famous for?

• Inventing tires for cars
• Designing the first Corvette race car
• Inventing the assembly line to mass produce automobiles
• Oppressing his workers and ordering management goons to beat up strikers

And there you have it readers. True United States history. I hope you did well on the quiz. Oh, and you should be able to buy drugs directly from this site sometime next week.

(19)

Islam is the religion of peace!

After its previous 12 members were blown up the NYPD has decided to place the bomb squad in charge of Muslim outreach.

“The number one mission of the New York Police Department is to reach out to Muslims and befriend them” said commissioner Bill Bratton.

We have many members of the Islamic faith community living within our borders. The overwhelming vast majority of Muslims want to live in peace with the infidel if possible. That’s where our outreach program comes in. We want to ensure that there are good relations between us.

The Muslim Outreach Division of the NYPD was started by Bratton when he returned to New York as the police commissioner under Mayor Bill de Blasio, replacing the emergency services, anti-gang, anti-organized crime and narcotics divisions.

We feel we didn’t need those divisions anymore. as crime is a thing of the past and now that we have a progressive mayor and a progressive president the root cause of crime, poverty, has disappeared.

Opened with much fanfare and accolades, the Muslim Outreach division did suffer from a few bumps in the road.

All the officers we sent to reach out to Muslims died. mostly from injuries sustained in unexplained explosions. How or why this kept happening we don’t know. Perhaps faulty wiring or a gas leak. But to suggest that Muslims were blowing up our officers is naked hatred and we will not stand for it.

Still, sensitive to images on the news of himself consoling weeping widows, Bratton decided a change must be made.

We cannot afford to lose any more fine officers. Unless we force them out because of hateful statements. And since the bomb squad is well-suited to deal with unexplained explosions from gas leaks or faulty wiring why not bring them into the outreach program?

Starting in August all members of the bomb squad unit will be assigned to Muslim neighborhoods to show Muslims that they need not fear the infidel.

Naturally with our detectives doing this it means that if a non-Muslim resident of New York sees a suspicious package they should call Con Ed. Or open it themselves. Or just ignore it. It’s probably nothing. If there are wires coming out of the package call an electrician. We’re busy you know. Outreach takes time.

One of the bomb squad detectives was then brought forward and asked how he felt about his new outreach assignment.

I’m a professional you know. I do the job that’s needed. My explosive ordnance disposal suit offers me maximum protection.  It has layers of Kevlar, foam and plastic to decrease the pressure of a blast wave. It overlaps sections of my body so I am totally protected. I also wear armor plates to ensure survival. By wearing this suit I am confident I can survive whatever the Muslims throw at me.

The officer in question was then immediately suspended for his hateful comments.

“How many times do we have to tell people Islam is the religion of peace before the public starts to believe us” said a frustrated Bratton.

(56)