Meth? Seriously? Son only use cash or american express.

As the entire civilized world (which obviously excludes Detroit) now know, the Democratic mayor of Fairfax Virginia was arrested after trying to use meth to arrange a threesome.

And how do I know he’s a Democrat?  Certainly not from relying on the news stories from the MSM, which conveniently omitted this fact.  (To protect and defend the Democratic Party is the official MSM motto.) If he had been a Republican it would have been a different story of course:

“Republican mayor arrested for trying to arrange threesome……….”

“More bad news for Donald Trump as Republican ally arrested………”

“Can Donald Trump’s campaign survive the latest Republican scandal…….”

“Trump remains silent on Republican meth for cash.  What is he hiding…….”

Regardless of the mayor’s political affiliation we at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ (pictured here)

The Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ (opium at no extra charge for paid members)

sprang into action, fueled by a sense of outrage.

Meth?  For a threesome? What has this country come to? What is wrong with the younger generation.  Why I remember in my days as a war correspondent in Camden stuck behind the lines occasionally having threesomes but no meth was exchanged. (Hey, times were tense. Things happened.)

Meth is an unacceptable medium of exchange for threesomes. We only have a finite supply of meth in this country and we need it for important things, like keeping the ladies from “The View” supplied.

Here are the only acceptable mediums of exchange for threesomes (all personally vouched for Manhattan Infidel himself):

1.  Cash
2. American Express 
3. Pop Tarts (I find that frosted cherry flavor will bring in the most threesomes)
4. The entire David Hasselhoff CD collection (his version of “Hooked on a Feeling” is surprisingly good. Go to youtube and watch it)
5. Rare comic books (sorry, I meant graphic novels)
6. Not so rare comic books (graphic novels)
7. Not so rare comic books (graphic novels) stolen from a crying eight year old
8. Anything stolen from a crying eight year old
9. A crying eight year old
10. An owner’s manual for a 1973 Chevy Vega
11. An autographed picture of Pete Best (in the Pete Best Combo, not the Beatles)
12. An owner’s manual for a 1974 Volkswagen Dasher
13. A DVD copy of the Star Wars Christmas special
14. Any computer still running the OS2 operating system
15. Dick Vitale
16. Hillary Clinton’s private email server
17. Forrest Whitaker (Forrest Tucker used to be acceptable but he’s dead)
18. Keith Richards’ internal organs (in good condition)
19. Keith Richards (in good condition)
20. Keith Richards (in bad condition)
21. Keith Richards dead (and in good condition)
22. Joe Biden’s hair plugs

So you see, there is no reason to waste our valuable and finite supply of meth on a threesome where there are so may other options available.

Look. Learn. Listen. Enjoy your threesome and let’s be careful out there.

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