This is my penis! It is the only one I have! It is my best friend!

Once again it is time to do a professional athlete malfeasance template. I have written about this subject before on numerous occasions. Fortunately for me professional athletes do not seem to read my blog.

But now onto my trademarked Professional NBA Player Malfeasance Template™.

Draymond Green, power forward for the Golden State Warriors had to apologize after

1. Posting a photo of his penis on Snapchat
2. Posting a photo of his penis on LinkedIn
3. Posting a photo of his penis on Facebook
4. Posting a photo of his penis on all currently known social media platforms

Draymond took the photo down soon after and apologized, saying

1. He had pressed the wrong button
2. He just got a new Droid and was still figuring out how it was different than an iPhone
3. He is so sorry and would never think of doing it on purpose
4. This is my penis, bitch!

No seriously. Mr. Green is mortified that his member was online for everyone to look at

1. He pressed the wrong button
2. I hope Kobe sees this. Mine is bigger than his
3. I’m an NBA star. Women deserve to see my penis!
4. Look at my penis!  Look at it!  Bitch!

After being informed that Green’s member was online, NBA commissioner Adam Silver had this to say:

1. He will be severely punished for this transgression.  The NBA has an image to uphold
2. Eh. So what. At least it wasn’t a picture of those so-called assault weapons
3. Has he raped anybody? No?  Then I don’t see the issue
4. Has he killed anybody? No? Then I don’t see the issue

After seeing his member online, Green’s girlfriend said

1. I am deeply hurt but I love Draymond and will stand by him in this difficult time.
2. That’s his dick. And I’m the one who gets to ride it bitches
3. I don’t see what the big deal is. Why can’t the white man leave us alone?
4. Draymond is my meal ticket. I ain’t saying nothing as long as the cash keeps coming in

The pictures on Draymond Green’s phone consist of

1. Photos of a deeply committed Christian surrounded by friends and family
2. 600 pictures of his penis
3. 600 pictures of Kobe Bryant’s penis
4. 600 pictures of Kaitlyn Jenner’s penis

And so dear readers, here ends another professional athlete malfeasance template. But don’t worry. I’m sure it won’t be long before I have to pull the template out of storage.

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