Browsing the archives for the Global warming category
A reading from the Gospel of Al Gore: And it came to pass when Al Gore had finished that he said to his disciples “You know that after two days I will be delivered up to those who deny the scientific truth of global warming.”Now on the first day of the global warming conference in […]
65 Billion B.C. (or is that B.C.E.) A conference of dinosaurs today concluded that the Earth is “dangerously close to brink of being unsustainable to all life” and recommended drastic dietary and lifestyle changes. The global warming conference was heavily attended by dinosaurs from throughout the world. The conference opened with an address by the […]
780 A.D. (or is that C.E.?) From their Norse homeland came word that the Vikings, worried about the Earth’s declining resources and the scourge of climate change have decided that in the future pillaging will be strictly limited. “I had just burned an entire village to the ground” says the Viking Ivar the Boneless. “And […]
The Government today announced that it will be taking proactive steps to end global warming. “It’s no secret that methane released from cows has dramatically increased the World’s core temperature” said Todd Stern, President Obama’s Climate Czar. “If we continue to let these cows release their methane into the atmosphere we run the risk of […]
Today Al Gore gave a speech where he once again warned of the deleterious effects of global warming. After speaking for 2 hours about greenhouse gas and rising seas Mr. Gore took his speech to a new level by bringing a small child to the stage. “I realize that many criticize my findings and ask […]
Putting an end to decades of controversy, a leading scientist today announced that she has definitively found the reason glaciers retreated during the last ice age in North America. “I have uncovered shocking new evidence that the retreat of the glaciers was not an orderly thing. It appears to be hurried and downright panicky. There […]
Today after traveling to a remote town in Egypt to apologize to a local farmer for the death of his donkey, “A tragedy and I’m sorry”, President Barack Obama realized that he had in fact apologized to every last person on Earth. After an awkward silence that seemed to go on forever the President decided […]
Earth Hour was intended to highlight the problem of global warming. What it did instead was lead to a rise in criminal activity throughout our area (with the notable exception of the heavily Italian section of Todt Hill in Staten Island). At precisely 8:30 PM local time lights went out throughout the New York City. […]
A meteor set to collide with Earth veered off course at the last moment and continued towards the Sun. The meteor, named X-43 by scientists who have been tracking it for months came within a few hundred miles of entering Earth’s atmosphere. “One of this size could have destroyed thousands of square miles. If it had hit […]
In a historic move, scientists from around the globe met for a conference on global warming held on Mars. “We are on Mars to highlight the danger of global warming, not only on Earth but throughtout the universe”, declared Dr. Ludwig Von Stuucker of the research center, “Scientists with White Lab Coats”. After a 3-month journey from […]