A reading from the Gospel of Al Gore:

The gospel of Al Gore

And it came to pass when Al Gore had finished that he said to his disciples “You know that after two days I will be delivered up to those who deny the scientific truth of global warming.”Now on the first day of the global warming conference in Copenhagen the disciples came to Al Gore and said, “Where dost thou want us to prepare for thee to eat a cheeseburger or two?”  But Al Gore saith “Go into the city, to a McDonald’s and say “Al Gore says My time is near at hand;  at this McDonald’s I am celebrating thy global warming conference.”

Then a reporter from Fox went to the those who deny global warming and saith to them, “What are you willing to give me for delivering him to you?” But they assigned him the carcass of a polar bear who drowneth in rising seas.  And from then on he sought an opportunity to betray him. 

Now when evening had arrived he reclined at the counter with his disciples including Leonardo DiCaprio.  And while they were eating he saith, “Amen I say to you, one of you will betray me.”  And being much saddened they began each to say, “Is it I, Mr. Gore?”  But he answered and saith “He who dips his hand into the ranch sauce for the Chicken McNuggets with me, he will betray me.”

And while they were at McDonald’s Al Gore took a McNugget and blessed and broke, and gave it to his disciples and said “Take and eat; this is my body.” And taking the Diet Coke he gave thanks and gave it to them, saying “All of you drink of this; for this is my blood of the new global warming covenant, which is being shed for many unto the forgiveness of their carbon footprint.  But I say unto you, I will not drink of this Diet Coke henceforth until that day when I shall drink it with you in the presence of President Obama.”

And after reciting a Bruce Springsteen song, I don’t remember which one but I think it was ‘Thunder Road’, they left the McDonalds.  Then Al Gore saith unto them, ‘You will all be scandalized this night because of me; for it is written, ‘I will leak emails exposing unethical scientists who invent data to support their grants, and the global warming flock will be scattered.’ But after I have finished another couple burgers at another restaurant along the way I will go before you unto the City.”

Here endeth the Gospel reading from Al Gore.

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