Environmentally Conscious Vikings Limit Pillaging

780 A.D. (or is that C.E.?)

The Vikings are worried about climate changeFrom their Norse homeland came word that the Vikings, worried about the Earth’s declining resources and the scourge of climate change have decided that in the future pillaging will be strictly limited.

“I had just burned an entire village to the ground” says the Viking Ivar the Boneless. “And don’t get me wrong.  I enjoy my work.  But I kept hearing the words of the prophet Al Gorethorson ringing in my ears.  He tells us that the Earth’s climate is changing. Our way of life is in danger.  And who am I to question a prophet.”

Ivar the Boneless is not alone.  Many Vikings are abandoning or at least modifying their traditional ways. Ragnor Lodbruk had just finished destroying a village when the prophet Al Gorethorson paid him a visit in a dream.

“He showed me some scrolls with drawings on them.  He called it a multimedia presentation.  He said that the drawings proved that my pillaging was causing sea levels to rise and if I did not stop my hometown would be under water.”

Lodbruk immediately awoke, ordered his men to repair the town and went to the nearest church to buy what he calls a “carbon credit.”

“The prophet explained it to me in the dream.  Buying this credit would grant me an indulgence and free me from my environmental sins and any temporal punishment.”

Among other changes in Viking lifestyle is a change in diet.  Many Vikings are abandoning meat and adopting a strict vegetarian diet.

It’s not the same really, sitting down to a meal of vegetables and green things but it was explained to me that this new diet would lower my cholesterol level and my chance of developing certain cancers.  And I’d be less warlike as a result which I’ve been told is a good thing” says Ingvar the Far-Traveled. “It seems to be working.  I don’t feel like pillaging anymore.  All I want to do is talk about my feelings and have a good cry.  I cry a lot now.  I cry about our culture’s wastefulness. I cry about rising sea levels. I cry about my treatment of native Norsepeople.  I cry about the lack of opportunity for women to advance in our male-dominated war-like Viking culture.”

Ingvar has set up a shrine to the prophet Al Gorethorson in his home.

Still, some Vikings remain unconvinced about the truth of climate change and have paid for their apostasy.  Many of them have been shunned by elite Viking society. Their numbers however, are dwindling in the face of Al Gorethorson’s scientific data.

“I’ve taken his words to heart and am trying to reduce my carbon footprint.  I have ordered all my warriors to do the same.  It may destroy our economy and way of life but what does that mean in the face of environmental catastrophe” says Ivar the Boneless.


2 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    Ingvar the Cryin’ Vikin’. Heehee.

  2. Me and my friend were arguing about an problem similar to this! Now I realize that I had been correct. lol! Thank you for that information you article.

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