Kermit’s Feud with Gumby Intensifies!

One’s a sellout. The other too radical

Kermit the Frog and Gumby the green clay humanoid, two of Hollywood’s brighter lights in the green community continue to exchange nasty words as their feud grows more bitter. Both see themselves as rightful heirs to Martin Luther King Jr. and the struggle to free non-whites from alt-white nationalism.

“Gumby?  He’s a St. Patrick’s Day cookie. Green on the outside but white inside” said Kermit when asked about his rival.

Gumby for his part feels that Kermit is a disrespectful thug honing in on his social justice territory.

“Kermit is nothing. He’s a punk” Gumby is quoted as saying.

Where was he all those years I had to use the servants entrance to the studios here in Hollywood? He was nowhere to be found. I was the one who broke the green color barrier. You know those green ladies from Star Trek? Fake. They had white actresses put on green paint. Talk about Greenface! I organized a boycott of Star Trek and forced them to hire some real green actors. I did it. I did it and faced the consequences. I was beaten by the Klan and had the Democrats turn a fire hose on me. But I did it for my people. Where was Kermit during this?  Living a comfortable middle class experience. He’s a phony.

At stake is the leadership and direction of Hollywood’s burgeoning green community.

While Gumby is respected for his accomplishments many of the younger green people feel that Kermit’s fire and radicalism better suits them.

Kermit electrified the green community with his famous “It’s Not Easy Being Green” speech, reproduced here full,  which he delivered at the 2016 Democratic National Convention.

It’s not that easy being green
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold
Or something much more colorful like that

It’s not easy being green It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over ’cause you’re
Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
Or stars in the sky

But green’s the color of Spring
And green can be cool and friendly-like
And green can be big like an ocean, or important
Like a mountain, or tall like a tree

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why Wonder,
I am green and it’ll do fine, it’s beautiful
And I think it’s what I want to be

“What this speech shows is Kermit’s intense pain and self loathing brought on by the prejudice inflicted upon him by the white majority” said a sociology professor at UCLA.

He speaks of the pain of being green, how he is overlooked, how he wishes he were a different color. But in the end he triumphs and loudly proclaims that green is beautiful and that green lives matter. This resonates with youth. It’s something that Gumby would never say. Gumby the accommodater who lives in a white neighborhood, dates white women and is seen by many as selling out his green brothers.

Despite or maybe because of the need to present a unified green face Kermit and Gumby have agreed to meet to seek common ground.

“These green punks today think they got it rough? They don’t know the meaning of the word. I remember being used as a green screen for low budget movies.  Try that on for size” said an emotional Gumby.


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