Hey, want some of my mighty fine wine?

Local wine-drinking bullfrog Jeremiah has raised the ire of residents and police who are concerned that his drinking is getting out of control.

“Don’t get me wrong” said the Chief of Police.

We all like Jeremiah. He’s a good friend of mine. And on occasion I have helped him drink his wine. But lately it seems he’s drunk all the time. And when he’s drunk he slurs his words so I can never understand a word he says. It’s my job to keep order in town. I turn a blind eye to the occasional drunk in public. People will drink after all. But alcoholics? They just aren’t dependable. And Jeremiah is a bullfrog. I’m concerned he might get violent.

Heeding police concerns the Town Council passed the “Anti-Bullfrog Act” prohibiting Jeremiah from entering town.

“This is the last resort” said council member.

Jeremiah is a nice guy for a bullfrog. So before the Act was passed we all went to visit him and express our concerns. We sat around drinking his wine, he always has some mighty fine wine, hoping he could explain himself. Instead he started rambling on and on. None of use could understand a single word he said. I think he was speaking in tongues. Frankly that concerns us. We’re a pretty tolerant town. Live and let live you know. But we don’t need a wine-drinking bullfrog with a messiah complex upsetting the locals. Especially the young, female locals. You know how easily women are brought under the spell of a strong, charismatic male.

Indeed after word spread that Jeremiah was speaking in tongues many of the towns younger citizens sought him out.

At first we thought they were just sneaking out to drink his mighty fine wine. But when we investigated we found that the kids were all in a trance. Some were lying on their backs. Some were dancing around. Some were chanting. And in the middle of it all sat Jeremiah looking like Buddha and speaking words no one could understand. I haven’t seen anything so disturbing since Woodstock.

It wasn’t long before parents came out to grab their kids and take them home. Sometimes there was violence.

“My daughter ain’t getting involved with no wine-drinking bullfrog prophet!” said one father.

I’m no cisgender activist but I draw the line at sex between bullfrogs and humans. This isn’t California, after all. I brought my shotgun and told Jeremiah to leave my daughter alone or I would shoot him. He said something to me as I grabbed my daughter. I couldn’t understand what he was saying but it couldn’t have been good. You know these religious fanatics.

Undeterred by local opposition, Jeremiah has announced that he is a prophet sent by God and is forming his own church called “The Temple of the Holy Bullfrog.”

“A prophet is not without honor, except in his home town” said Jeremiah.

“My message is one of joy. Joy to the world, all the boys and girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and me.”

(188)