Casper, known locally as the “friendly ghost” was attacked and brutally beaten today when his path accidentally crossed with an Intersectional Feminist Pride Parade.
“He’s lucky to be alive” said a doctor in the Emergency Room who treated the injured ghost.
All his ribs were broken and his genitalia had been torn off, which is kind of odd since ghosts aren’t supposed to have either bones or genitalia. In addition his skull had been fractured. The poor ghost has a long rehab ahead of him. When I told him the extent of his injuries he started crying and said,”My genitalia. My ghostly genitalia! I will never have the chance to be a friendly ghost again.” Poor guy was pretty devastated. We gave him a shitload of sedatives. When that didn’t work we put in him a medically-induced coma.
The trouble for Casper began when he was flying around town looking for attractive young women to be friendly with. Spotting one such female he swooped down and introduced himself.
Unfortunately for Casper the woman in question was a well-known local Intersectional Feminist. Calling her oppressed sisters over she pointed out Casper as a “potential white rapist.”
At first Casper tried to defend himself, saying that he only wanted to be “friendly and spread the joy.”
Triggered by the word “spread” which they took as code for “penis in vagina sex” the intersectional feminists surrounded the friendly ghost and began punching him.
One woman grabbed a brick from a nearby construction site and began pummeling Casper over the head.
“We don’t need your white ghost gaze” she screamed as her fellow feminists cheered.
Casper attempted to crawl to safety all the while begging for his life.
“Please I beg you. I will never be friendly again” he wimpered.
This only served to further enraged the triggered intersectionals who surrounded Casper and began kicking him.
It was at this point that one feminist reached down, grabbed his genitals and ripped them off. Holding it above her head as one might a trophy she shouted “Look at this girls. One less external male genitalia in the world and I tore it off!”
Satisfied that they had defended their honor the feminists proceeded to the nearest safe space. The newly-mutilated Casper was spotted by a passing motorist who called 911.
The mayor has asked for calm and appealed to Casper’s fellow ghosts not to commit any acts of revenge.
“We could all learn from the intersectional feminist community” said the mayor.
We in the male community have committed many sins against the female race. When one reflects upon our history of oppression against women today’s attack on Casper, while regrettable, is the result of legitimate historical grievances. On behalf of all men I ask the feminist community to forgive us and to continue giving us teachable moments.
As for Casper he remains in his medically-induced coma and has been charged with inciting a riot.
His doctors are confident he will make a full recovery.
“If by full you mean being a eunuch the rest of his afterlife, then yes he will make a full recovery. But it’s not all bad. Certainly having no genitalia will reduce his testosterone level and testosterone is the root of all evil.”