Vacationer From Planet Ferenginar Arrested After Stroking His Lobes In Public!

I’ll give you ten bars of gold-pressed latinum if you stroke my lobes!

A Ferengi visiting Earth was arrested and charged with stroking his lobes in public, a Class B misdemeanor punishable by a fine of $500 and/or two weeks in jail.

The trouble for the Ferengi tourist began after he complained to authorities that the “human females were clothed.”

“I didn’t know what to tell him” said a detective with Manhattan’s Midtown South precinct.

Yeah our women wear clothing. It’s just a tradition. Well except for ugly, obese feminists who like to parade around town topless. Being topless is not against the law in New York City. Unfortunately the only people who take advantage of this law are the ones you don’t want to see topless. Lena Dunham, Mayor De Blasio. You know the type. So I had to explain to him that I didn’t know what the laws were on Ferenginar but here women wear clothing. He started swearing and said he paid 2000 bars of gold-pressed latinum for this vacation and he wants to see naked females. I suggested he try the Hamptons.

Rebuffed by the NYPD the Ferengi then walked around Times Square asking locals where he could find “some good porno.”

“We were very polite but told him we didn’t know” said a fellow tourist and his wife visiting from Tampa, Florida.

He was very rude. I heard New Yorkers were rude. After I told him I didn’t know where the porno was he asked me why I let my wife wear clothing. I tried to joke my way out of it and said that she doesn’t wear clothing in the bedroom where it counts. He didn’t appreciate my joke and threw his hands up in the air and said “Goddammit where the hell is the porno!”

Still searching for porno the Ferengi entered The New Amerstam Theatre on 42nd street where a production of “Mary Poppins” was being staged. He was asked to leave after standing up in his seat and shouting “This is the worst f*cking porno show ever!”

After being thrown out of the New Amsterdam he approached a woman on the street and offered her gold-pressed latinum if she would rub his lobes.

“I’ve done a lot of things to pay my bills. I’m not ashamed of that” said the woman in question.

But what the hell is gold-pressed latinum anyway?  If its as useless as the dollar then no deal. If a fella wants his lobes stroked he’s got to pay me in cash. That’s just how I operate.

It was at this point that the desperate Ferengi started stroking his ears on the corner of 42nd and 8th avenue.

“He was making quite the scene” said the arresting officer.

He was rocking his hips back and forth and shouting “Oh god, yes, yes.  That makes the lobes feel great.” Technically there is no law against stroking  your earlobes in public so I arrested him for disturbing the peace.

Once ticketed the Ferengi was released on his own recognizance.

“The Ferengi might want to update their tourist guides. This isn’t the 1970s” said the precinct sergeant.

“But I’ll tell you one thing. If it’s true that the Ferengi keep women naked it sounds like a fun place. I think I’ll take the wife there.”


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