This is CNN. You shall not make fun of us.

Being a blogger it is my sacred duty to make shit up. Satire is the charitable name for it. Free speech is the classical name for it. However recently a dark force of evil has arisen that threatens us all. And that dark force is……erectile dysfunction.  No wait. I’m sorry. That dark force of evil is…..CNN.

Recently CNN threatened to out a 15-year old who made a meme that hurt their corporate feelings. Drunk with power and needing more people to punish they recently came after yours truly.

I now document that encounter for my readers.

Note: Some events have been fictionalized for dramatic effect. Okay all events may have been fictionalized for dramatic effect. Okay, not none of this actually happened. But if CNN would like to come after me I welcome the publicity.

It all started with a knock at my door.

[Knock on door]

MI: Hello. Who’s knocking on my door?

CNN: Manhattan Infidel this is CNN.

MI: Jeepers it’s CNN. I had better hide.

[Knock on door]

CNN: Manhattan Infidel this is your final warning. This is CNN!

MI: Yeah, how do I know it’s not James Earl Jones.

CNN:Well that’s a good point. But no. It’s CNN. Open the door now or we will expose you to the American people.

MI: Oh please. I expose myself to the American people all the time. Just ask my parole officer.

CNN: Manhattan Infidel this is CNN. You have made fun of us for the last time. Open the door now or we shall break it down with the self-righteous anger of the elite!

MI: Sorry can’t open the door now.

CNN: Manhattan Infidel open the door right now!

MI: No thanks I gave at the office.

CNN: Oh come on Manhattan Infidel open the door. Please? We have to berate you for not showing proper respect for the elite.

MI: I’m not opening the door. I have Russians inside. We are colluding together.

CNN: Damn Russians. They are everywhere. I have to go to the bathroom.

MI: Go away.

CNN: Manhattan Infidel open the door so we can berate you.

MI: No.

CNN: Manhattan Infidel open the door. We all have to go to the bathroom.

MI:  Pee in the hallway for all I care.

[Pause]

CNN: Manhattan Infidel if you don’t open the door we’ll leave.

MI: Good bye.

[Pause]

CNN: We mean it.

MI: I know. It’s probably the first true thing CNN has said all year.

[Pause]

CNN: We really, really have to go to the bathroom.

[Pause]

CNN: Ah crap. These are new pants.

MI: Are you peeing in the hallway?

CNN: No.

[Pause]

CNN: Yes.

[Pause]

CNN:  Manhattan Infidel we are leaving now. But we will be back!

MI: Bye.

CNN: One last thing before we go. Do you have any extra pants. We have a big stain running down the front of ours. It’s visible and people might make fun of us.

MI: Goodbye.

CNN: You win this time. But we shall prevail. We are CNN. We are……

[Pause]

CNN: Oh crap. Wow.  So much for my weak stream. Ah that is such a relief. The prune juice really works.

MI: I can smell that. You better clean that up!

That was CNN.

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